Hi everyone. After much consultation with friends who do, and do not read blogs, I've decided to take the plunge. After much writing and then deleting, I've decided to stick with whatever comes out this morning. I wear many hats, as I am sure you all do: Mother, wife, employee - but I have two others: belly dance teacher and weight loss junkie. The belly dance teacher is self-explanatory (http://www.amirajamal.com) but what do I mean by weight loss junkie? Well... my mother dropped me off at a Weight Watchers meeting when I was 16 years old, in 1969. I think maybe once she sat in on a meeting with me, but for the most part, I attended on my own, and no changes were ever made to the household (as far as I can remember) - meaning that I had to fend for myself, following those awful old rules, of liver once a week, fish three times a week, no ketchup or mayo - some of you remember those days!
If I had only known then what I know now - that what I weighed then was actually below today's WW goal for my height. Let's not forget - those were the days of Twiggy, mini-skirts, and no "big girl" sized stores or fashions. I grew up always being the fat one, compared to my skinny sister (who, even today at 60 something, boasts an anorexic looking size zero body), and so began the life of low self-esteem and weight problems. My mother, who is 93, and absolute skin and bones, laments how she needs to lose 25 pounds. I'm downright healthy compared to those two! (I didn't mean to harp on all this, but I did promise myself not to delete anything today...)
Anyway - from a child with fat thighs (little did I know then that it wasn't a weight problem - it's what we, in our family, apparently now call "the Finkle thighs" - quite separate from total body weight) to a teenager plunked down in a WW meeting all alone with no family support, to a mother who did indeed believe in eating for two, to a 56 year old woman who's still carrying her baby weight (with her baby just turning 26), here I sit today. Still needing to lose weight, but now, admittedly way over any WW goal of any decade. Sigh............. All the dieting in the world didn't work - just made me fatter....
There are two definitions of "junkie" both of which fit me in the weight loss arena: (1): a person with insatiable craving for something and (2): an enthusiastic follower and devotee. I have tried almost every diet out there (except the most stupid of them) for each decade: Stillman, Atkins, Carbohydrate Addicts, Scarsdale, Beck, Intuitive Eating, South Beach, Perricone, Glycemic Index and Load, Ornish, Eat Drink and Be Healthy (this, by the way, was the smartest diet), Dr. Phil, Bob Greene, Food Pyramid (USDA and Mediterranean), low everything diet (one at a time, of course), etc. etc. To refresh my memory and to have a good laugh I visited http://www.everydiet.org/diets.htm -- perhaps I did NOT try them all! I also have dozens and dozens of self-help and motivational books and tapes... let's not limit ourselves to just diet books!
Yet, everything brings me back to Weight Watchers. However, why am I still doing battle? My daughter is very wise: She says that ANYTHING will work if you stick to it long enough (ahh... you mean four days hasn't matched the criterion for "long enough?") AND she also says that someone has to drop their end of the rope in a tug-of-war and walk away, otherwise no one really wins (the winners, alas, will fall down too). So, here I am today - dropping my end of the rope in the battle - not to give up, but to say: This is not working. Doing battle is not working. Fighting things is not working. Doing something that I cannot live with in the long term is not working. Denying myself and being hungry is not working. Being almost 57 and still shopping at the fat girls shop is not working. Feeling sorry for myself that I grew up with fat thighs and home-made clothes is not working. Never being picked for anything, and hating gym anyway and feeling bad about it, is not working.
There have to be better games than tug-of-war. I can still play and not have to fall in the mud whether I am the winner or the loser. Maybe I can actually NOT fall in the mud at all. Maybe I can just play. I think food can be fun and exciting - but I don't think all my fun and excitement has to come from it. I get the "food is fuel" part - that we should not let food be so emotionally charged, and also that if you drive around on crappy fuel without a full tank to begin with, you will not run at peak performance. But I don't think our experience with food has to be all work and no play. I don't think that just any old junky vehicle to get you from place to place is as good as a new car off the showroom floor. First of all, the repair bills go through the roof, you never know when it will break down, it looks crummy, and you can't feel that good tying your door shut with a bungie cord. AND, if people add up their repair bills and the cost of gas, along with the worry of breakdowns, you really will be spending more per month than if you just get a nice vehicle and maintain it. (No I'm not a car salesman, and neither is my husband - just saying that people think that putting good food in their body and staying healthy is more expensive than eating junk - and it's NOT.)
Okay - enough with the car analogy. But back to my point - I can have fun doing this, eat foods that I love, not go hungry, and socialize as much as I want even if food is involved. How do you ask, is this possible? Well, I looked back at everything and every diet I have ever followed, and I do believe - for me - that the old WW CORE is the way to go. I know about Momentum and Filling Foods, and those of you who are brand new to WW, don't even worry about what you may be missing with CORE - it's basically the same, but with a few tweaks. I've decided to do CORE rather than Filling Foods because, although I have the materials for both, I did follow CORE in the past and so I am comfortable with it's lists, recipes and rules.
But WHY is it going to be different this time? Because I say it is - that's why! I have re-acquainted myself with the message boards at Dottie's Weight Loss Zone: http://www.dwlz2.com/forum/ and the people there are the best support that I have ever had. (That is not to say that I haven't had other support - including my WW leader, Beth, and my husband and both my children - but I'm talking about group support that is constantly available whenever I need it!) We have a group on the forum "We Can!" and with daily postings by myself and my web friends, I can feel the surge of energy to face this every day and know that there are people that are facing it with me and can lend their support and suggestions as I go along. And, since teaching is the best learning, I also garner support for myself by supporting others.
Also - and thanks to Jeanne, a DWLZ supporter who posted: I did it! I am not waiting until I get to goal!!! who signed up to do a half-marathon, I am thinking of doing one myself. Half-marathons seem to be in the air because when I went to visit my most favorite blog by Heather, a WW leader: http://www.leadingtheweigh.com/ she posted that she is doing "Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon Weekend" in March. WELL - that's all I needed to hear! I have been in touch with Disney and you can walk it (as long as you walk within the 16 minute mile) and, as far as I know at this point, it is March 6, 2011. I have extremely bad knees and wear "hardware" braces, but I am going to aim for it! I found a beginner 1/2 marathon training schedule that works in one-week increments. If I do it in one-month increments I will still have plenty of time left over! A 5K (3 miles) just about does me in ... but I've never trained either... so who knows!
Just something clicked over the weekend. I can do this - CORE and train- AND have fun - eating and preparing the fresh foods that I love AND look forward to a goal which takes place at the "happiest place on earth" (ya'll can laugh - but I love WDW!).
Well - there's so much more... but I am going to end here (for now).
Wishing you all a great and FUN weight loss journey!
Samida
p.s. If you visit my site, please note that those were professional photographs with professionally done makeup and hair. I do not look like that in real life!!! I wish I did - but I don't!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I am enjoying reading your blog!
ReplyDelete