A real decision is measured by the fact that you've taken a new action. If there's no action, you haven't truly decided. - Tony Robbins

Hi everyone! I've been thinking about why this time is going to be different for me. Yesterday I was looking up quotes to put in my belly dance newsletter and I turned to one of my favorite motivators, Tony Robbins, and came across the one I have used as a title for today's blog.

I spend a lot of time in various weight loss chat rooms, and people always come in lamenting "I want to lose weight," "I'm ready to lose weight," "I really do mean it," etc. After listening for a while I usually always come to the conclusion that, although I don't doubt they really really want it and they are really really ready, that wishing does not make it so. Their words aren't followed by action. There is one "chatter" who comes in each time saying: "I hate vegetables and I won't eat anything but cucumbers and lettuce. I want to eat whatever I want, I don't care about nutrition. Why haven't I lost weight after 5 days - I'm giving this a week then I'm not following WW anymore. And, by the way, I don't want to spend money on a meeting to find out what it is all about - I want you all just to tell me." Is there really any truth to the very first statement, "I'm ready to lose weight"... hmmm?

I'm not picking on just this one person, but she is a stellar example of inertia trumping action, even though the desire might be there. And it's a perfect example of the fact that a REAL decision has NOT been made. The reason I am not really picking on her (but rather using her for an example) is that not only do I see my old self in her, but I understand being in the stage of thinking that wishing and desiring is enough to bring about action. Thinking about it is not enough - you must take action. Thoughts not followed by action really isn't action.

I also get frustrated when people say they need motivation. No you don't. Well, not in the way most people define motivation. My definition of motivation is just the realization that I must keep on keeping on, and that success will follow - it HAS to. I think what people need is faith. Faith that if you keep eating and exercising that it will pay off. Knowing that it will - isn't that motivation enough? I think that people have just lost sight of the payoff. Is it to provide a good example to your children and provide them with the healthiest upbringing you can give them? Is it to turn around blood test scores? Is it to get weight off your knees and hips? Is it to not be afraid of the camera anymore? Is it just because you are sick and tired of being sick and tired? It's not motivation you need, it's a direct sight-line to the payoff that you need.

When the payoff doesn't matter anymore, it's not motivation that you have to look for. It's a investigation into your secondary gain list. What is a secondary gain list? BE HONEST. I know I've had to be honest with myself. I thought about it - really REALLY thought about it: Look how much time dieting takes up in my life. I chat, I blog, I read diet and self-help books, I spend time looking for new recipes, shopping, cooking, complaining about aches and pains and how I'm sick of dieting. My secondary gain in this case is that I can continue with business as usual instead of actually doing other things with my time.

In my professional arena of being a dancer, I can always hide behind my fat instead of admitting that maybe I don't want to take a job, or go out at night, or be in a photo shoot, etc. etc. Maybe I can hide behind my fat instead of putting myself out there - where I really would be judged and gossiped about. My secondary gain is that I can hide behind my fat and blame it for EVERYTHING.

Would I really know who I am if I didn't have fat to get rid of? What would my life be like if I was a normal weight? That's sort of scary and another secondary gain. I've been overweight MY ENTIRE LIFE. Who would I be without it? The secondary gain: By staying fat, I can continue to do all things familiar; I can continue to be all things familiar; I can stay in a body that, with all its aches and pains is still comfortable enough to tolerate because it's familiar. My secondary gain is to use my fat to stay comfortable and familiar. I could go on and on, but in case you didn't understand the concept of secondary gain, I hope you do now. What is YOUR secondary gain in staying fat and coming up with all the excuses NOT to lose weight (even though you THINK you want to).

It's not that I don't have motivation or think it's unnecessary - I just think it's overrated! I think it's more important to explore our secondary gains which keep us from clearly seeing the payoffs and it's more important to have faith that if we follow the road the end will be there. But really - it's never an end, is it, and I think that is what scares us. Do we take the left fork or the right fork, or do we just run into the meadow that is ahead and trust that the sunshine and the flowers will make us happier than what we have grown to be comfortable with in our present bodies?

For many, unfortunately, it's not a sunny meadow. It's just coming to the end of that road and jumping into expressway traffic (come on, raise your hands, how many are scared to drive on 10 lane expressways). It's coming to the of that road and finding yourself in TOTALLY unfamiliar territory without a GPS to navigate you home (come on, raise your hands, how many hate to get lost?) - you get the point. But... maybe there really IS a meadow - you'll never know until you do get to the end of that road. Forget the motivation... even forget the faith. Just clear all that secondary gain stuff off the path and see where you DO go. Maybe the road itself is where you'll stay - it just will be a lot more pleasant without all that clutter, won't it???

Samida