Friday, August 21, 2009

What keeps us keeping on?

I've mentioned that I have a nice group of cyberfriends on the DWLZ message boards. Yesterday's discussion was about stalled weight loss and why we get in our own way - especially when we have been successfully on the path downward. The discussion went from waiting for the "big moment" when everything clicks, to the concept of "little moments" with the small choices we make every day, day in and day out. I've already talked about secondary gain - and how sometimes being overweight shields us from having to face what being thin will do to us. I have very concrete things that being fat shields me from and I did share some of those. However, sometimes it's not shielding, it just maintaining the comfort level.

I think both are at work on me. With regard to comfort level - my weight does not keep me from doing anything I want to do: I'm the first one jumping in the pool, I have a husband who (after 30 years) is still thrilled to see me walk in a room, I've been in 5K races, my blood work is within normal range, I have extremely glam clothing, and I'm a professional belly dancer for goodness sake! Why on earth would I move from the comfort of all this, along with the comfort of eating what I want and the comfort of not exercising, to the WORK of a lifestyle change that means monitoring what I eat and actually doing real exercise?

To tell you the truth I'm not sure myself sometimes. I would like to LOOK better, but vanity just really doesn't do it for me. I think my reason for wanting to lose weight lies in the medical reasons. My blood work, as I said, is normal but there is very little wiggle room, and that does scare me. You can't take back diabetes. Once you have it you always have it. You can control it but you have it. I have an aunt who died from complications of diabetes, and the shame of it is that this IS something you do to yourself (Type II) - why would you take something as perfect as the human body and destroy it like that? I had a cardiac cath procedure last summer as the doctor was afraid I had a heart attack (it wasn't - it was heart damage which the cardiologist thought was caused by a virus) and my arteries were clear. I've also had other arterial screening done over the years and it has always come back clean. BUT, it takes a statin to keep my cholesterol in check and my triglycerides are high (although hundreds of points lower than they were years ago). I would like to maintain a healthy cholesterol without the statin, which potentially could introduce a whole range of problems itself.
I have severe osteoarthritis in my knees, and once in a while there is a twinge in my hip. Gee whiz - do you think I ought to lose weight even though I have glam clothes and don't cower at the sight of a bathingsuit?

Maybe as I do lose weight, vanity will take it's rightful place in the equation. However, the favorite quote "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" never resonated with me. I've never been thin so what the heck do I know? I know that cheesecake DOES taste good. A sizzling steak with ALL the fat in tact DOES taste good. A bowl of Thanksgiving stuffing with a side of mashed potatoes DOES taste good. Who are we kidding? But this lifestyle change, being "Core-like," doesn't have to be the fight of our lives. So does lentil salad, and spinach casserole, and grilled seafood, and fresh salad taste good. So does garden vegetable soup, and sauteed spinach with garlic and onions, and eggplant parmesian made with fat-free cheeses and sauce, taste good.

I think that if we dig our heels in and FIGHT, instead of going with the flow, that we are only digging our heels into quicksand. From How Stuff Works:
"With quicksand, the more you struggle in the faster you will sink. If you just relax, your body will float in it because your body is less dense than the quicksand...If you step into quicksand, it won't suck you down. However, your movements will cause you to dig yourself deeper into it." From what I have observed, the dieters who are fighting and struggling with this whole staying-on-program: "food is fuel - nothing else" sort of outlook are doomed to sink. They may be successful in losing weight - I am not knocking sticking to a diet program at all; but I think at some point, the fight goes out of them or they become so trapped in the diet, that they can't go with the flow when life demands it. (PLEASE keep in mind that I am just using an "editorial they" - I am talking absolutely from my OWN experience.)

As a matter of fact, within my "Core-like" eating, still lies a program. I am NOT eating a 2-pound steak with fat attached, the garlic mashed potatoes with REAL butter, fresh French bread - also with butter, salad with REAL dressing, and a full dessert to top it off. My program is to eat "normal" portions, cut out fat, sugar, processed flour and foods, etc. My program does NOT include cutting out food that I like. It does NOT include fighting to stay within terribly strict limits and totally doing without. It DOES mean adjustments - substituting foods that are not as horrible for my body for things that are unhealthy. It DOES mean watching portions. It DOES mean totally enjoying everything that goes into my mouth, and enjoying it with family and friends. Having said all that, I will also NOT cut out foods entirely - there is room for a piece of birthday cake, fudge on the boardwalk, ice cream at the beach, chips on the side. Just it's the end of stealthily finishing up the birthday cake that was already put in the freezer, eating a whole pound of fudge (who can do that, you say? look no further than the author of this blog), eating a half gallon of ice cream (ditto), or eating a whole large bag of chips in one night's TV viewing.

One of my DWLZ friends yesterday quoted from
Acedia & Me: A Marriage, Monks, and a Writer's Life by Kathleen Norris, when we were talking about starting over every day if we have to. "Abba Moses asked Abba Sylvanus, 'Can a man lay a new foundation every day?' The old man said, 'If he works hard, he can lay a new foundation at every moment.' " I think there are no truer words than this, especially when you are ready to give up on your eating plan.

When I teach my students I always take tremendous pride in the fact that I do not produce cookie-cutter dancers. There used to be a teacher in NYC and when we saw his dancers dance we always said "Oh, there's another Bobby-girl" because she had a different body, face, and costume, but it might as well have been their teacher dancing. I tell my students: "What I am giving you here with these lessons is a strong solid foundation. Once you have the foundation built, and the walls up, you can pick your own furniture, your own floor coverings, your own paint and wallpaper; you can pick your own kitchen appliances, what you cook and when you eat. But you can have none of that if the foundation cracks or sinks into the ground."

I am challenging you, if you are fighting or struggling, to lay a new foundation at this very moment. You can wallpaper it with Points or Filling Foods, or Calorie Counting, or Grazing, or Plate Division, or any other sensible eating program out there. But you won't have walls without cracks if you don't work on your foundation. Take a look now into your secondary gains, into your comfort zones, into what will work for your family, into what can be done to make this convenient and fun, into what are good solid reasons for you to lose weight, into whether you can do your program for the long term (not necessarily for life - we all change and need eating programs that change with us), etc. Make your pro and con list. See what your budget and time will allow. Lay your foundation - every minute of every day, by eating with awareness and not mindlessly reaching for food. When you go to reach for that food, stop and reflect: Is it really hunger, or am I avoiding something else? If your family won't make changes with you (regardless of your crafty and sly substitutions) make your own meals as often as possible.

So, what I got from yesterday's discussion is exactly this: Everyone's foundation is different. Some of us are building on quicksand. Some have solid foundations. Some of us will never move as long as we live. Some of us like where we are but like to change the furniture around a lot. Some of us live in large houses, and some of us live in tiny houses. Some of us live in mass-produced housing, some live in hand-made log houses. I think the point is that we each do what works for us and what is pleasant for us. However, when the house no longer works for us (too confining or too big), is no longer pleasant (can't stand that furniture and wallpaper any longer), or there are cracks in the walls and foundation then, by golly, it might be time to actually go house hunting instead of sinking more money and time into the house you do have. Of course, it could just be that a few repairs and rearranging will take care of everything. You are the only one who knows that. But, be honest and take stock. Move or repair? It's up to you!


p.s. I rearrange my furniture A LOT!!!!!!! You will get to know that from me by my blogging and posts at DWLZ - I never give up trying to find just the right "look."

p.p.s. Does anyone who uses blogspot know how I can put recipes in the margins instead of as part of the regular post? Thanks!

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