Let go of your story

What would our (diet) lives be like if we let go of our personal stories? I talked about this a bit in an earlier blog about the fact that the wake is what is left behind - it is not what steers the ship. I can't speak for anyone else, but I have been stuck in diet limbo because of my personal story. I have played with the same 40 pounds for YEARS. My story is this:

I lose weight (mostly on WW excursions, but sometimes other routes).
I may lose up to 10 pounds.
I get cocky.
I guess I can do it "myself."
I gain back the 10 pounds.
I read all sorts of diet books and cook books.
I go back on some sort of diet (probably WW again).
I may lose up to 5 pounds.
I get cocky.
I guess I can do it "myself."
I gain back the 5 pounds.
I read all sorts of diet books and cook books.
ETCETERA

This is my story and I'm stickin' to it. Until now.

OMG - what if I don't have the history of puny losses with immediate gains? What if I don't have a history of needing other people to tell me how to eat, what to eat, how much to eat, when to eat. WAIT - that IS part of my story and I always gain the weight back. How about if I let go of the portion of the story that follows "I guess I can do it myself?" What if I write a new story?

What if this looks like my new story:

I am 57 years old and have been dieting since the age of about 8 years old.
However, unlike the past 45 years I don't follow diet plans, then fall off diet plans, then gain the weight back.
Instead, my NEW story is that I absolutely trust myself to know what to eat, in what portions to eat, and when to eat.
My NEW story has me making good choices and losing weight and keeping it off. OMG what a concept. What a new ending.
I never allowed myself this ending because I was so locked into the old story.

It's scary but at the same time exciting and exhilarating. I look back at my first post where I talk about eating "core-like." Even that doesn't have to be part of my story anymore. It gives too much of a feel of rules and dieting. I know what to eat to make my body feel its maximum best. That includes whole grains (including whole grain bread!), plenty of veggies and fruits, and lean proteins. It does not include packaged junk and eating till I'm stuffed. I know that. I don't need a diet from my old story to tell me that.

I have to suspend my beliefs that I must weigh and measure and journal in order to lose weight. I must suspend my beliefs that the only way to lose weight is to follow what others tell me to follow. I must suspend my beliefs that the only way to keep off weight that I have lost is to remain vigilant about every single bite that goes into my mouth.

My last post talked about faith. Letting go of my past story and stories requires a lot of faith. It also requires a knowing that if I tune into my body I will lose weight, get to a weight that is natural for me, and keep a weight that is natural for me. This does not mean that I am going to take a passive role in all this, saying that I can eat ANYTHING, eat ANY amount, etc. I am taking an active role in choosing healthy foods and eating when I am hungry and stopping when I am full. It also means indulgences - but in modest quantities - but not because a diet told me to limit them, but because I know now that my body does not react well to extreme indulgences. If anything, this way of life is harder than dieting. You have to rely on yourself to stop eating - not because you are done with your portion, or out of points or calories. So - don't get me wrong, I am not in ANY way saying this is easy or going to be easy. But who grows on easy stuff?

A journey of faith, suspended beliefs, and a knowing... a knowing that after 45 years of dieting I know which foods contain what nutritients, what quantities make my body feel good, and what quantities make it feel awful. I know what foods bring a smile to my face, and what foods I couldn't care less about. I know how to shop and cook. And, thank God, I live in an area where there are stores of such abundance of fresh produce, whole grains, and high quality protein. Thank God I have the resources to shop like that, and the wisdom to shop like that.

I'm planning on going out in a few minutes to top off my groceries with some free range, anti-biotic free chicken for dinner tonight - I did a huge produce shopping yesterday. It's going to be a snowy day tomorrow so I'm planning a lot of cooking to get me through the week. My classes have begun again and I am back to work full time. I do love the saying "If you fail to plan you plan to fail." As much as I am experiencing a new freedom here, I'm not eating on the fly - that would just be foolishness. (Or as Niecey says on Clean House: Mayhem and Foolishness...) If I am stocked with the healthy foods my family and I love I should be okay! I am going to keep the faith!

Samida