Pruning and Peace

Hi everyone! Thank you for showing your concern with my absence. I've had so much going on lately that blogging, unfortunately is the first thing to be pruned from my list of activities when I find that I am just overwhelmed and need some breathing space. I think that is one of the secrets to a successful weight loss, actually. Recognizing what stressors there are in your life, and either eliminating them, if possible, or eliminating extraneous, but not necessary stressful, things from your life so that you can have the time and "wherewithall" to deal with the things that need attention. It is a skill I am learning to recognize and practice. The "inflammation" of the stressors has subsided a bit (although still there), so once again I can turn to things that I enjoy - keeping this blog being one of them!

Let me fill you in on some physical things. I have to nix the "Princess Half Marathon." I spoke to my orthopedist and he said that if I do it, I might as well schedule a knee replacement right now, since I will need one upon my return if I do it. I have overcome a lot with my osteoarthritis, including continuing with my dance lessons and performances, but a 1/2 marathon, apparently, is where my body would draw the line. He said that I could do the 1/2 marathon, as long as I took a whole day to do it, and stopped for refreshment and rest every couple of miles. But, to do it as a race... no way. I'm not sure I"m ready to give up yet. I will make the decision when it is time to register. If I wear my brace and carry my ice packs there's a chance.... lol

I also found out that I have a completely torn rotator cuff, and will be needing surgery. I have scheduled the surgery for December, and my understanding is that I will have to wear a sling for 6 weeks, and "look forward" to a 6 month recovery, with PT and restrictions. I don't mind the surgery or the recovery - what actually made me most sad is that I had to cancel my participation in the wonderful reunion that some great gals from one of the DWLZ message boards will be having in Orlando in December. I could have waited for my surgery till after the reunion, but that is one of the pruning decisions I had to make.

However - the bright spot is that, knowing I am having surgery in six weeks, I am extremely motivated to eat healthy (and sparingly) so I will be in the best shape possible before surgery. (That, and several weeks at home, mostly spent in bed, means that I am in even more danger of having my weight loss stagnate, so I want a head start now.)

There is something "strange" that has come over me in the past few days. Just a sense of peace - I don't know how else to put it. I was operating at a breaking point for several weeks, and I just realized that I cannot do that to myself anymore. The upcoming surgery is the least of the stressors in my life the past month or so, but somehow, scheduling it, actually looking forward to it, and knowing that I have to take better care of myself, sort of put a period on the end of 2009.

I think that one thing that has contributed to this peaceful feeling is that I have unearthed some of my hypnosis CDs. I have several from Positive Changes, and Wendy Freisan's program, "The Zen of Thin." Then, one of my DWLZ friends shared with me her Paul McKenna CDs ("I can make you thin") and just listening to those at bedtime, or anytime I feel the stress build up, has helped tremendously. I'm not so sure if they have helped with weightloss, but they sure do make me calm. My friend said something funny about being on the Paul McKenna program today: "I don't always stop when I'm full, and I don't always eat exactly what my body is craving... but I sure do have down the eating when hungry part!"

I was chatting with another friend the other day about making an effort to eat more naturally (intuitive eating, I can make you thin, any of those programs). I was telling her how freeing it is to actually trust my own body for a change instead of eating according to external cues and rules. When I saw her again she asked if I was still feeling free. I said (at the time) I wasn't. I was so caught up in my stressors, so that even having rules about having no rules felt like too much. But, since I have let go and calmed down, it's all falling into place again. I stand by my very first posts about eating "core-like." Add to that not eating according to external cues and diet plans, honoring my hunger (at both ends - when I'm hungry and when I'm full), and having exactly what I want, has been making a big difference.

The first few days I gave myself permission to be a little wild - but that was part of the process... as long as I didn't eat to full. Eventually I have gravitated back to salads, good fats and oils, and some of my most favorite WW recipes. I've also started eating from small dishes and putting down my fork (or food) between bites. What concepts! lol - I haven't been on the scale - according to the journal I'm keeping, check-in day is tomorrow but I am going to wait until the end of October. I am going to weigh in only once a month. It's enough.

Until then, my sole goal is to keep the peace with my mind and my body. Anything else is just ... gravy!