Just so I wouldn't be left out of the loop in my chat and message boards of my favorite site I rejoined Weight Watchers to see what the new program is all about.
Very interesting... FINALLY WW acknowledges that not all calories are created equal. In all fairness, that has been something that was said during meetings and in reading material, but the push toward 100 calorie snack packs, bars, and other foods really led the member in a different direction. You can still have all this junk but the points are so high on these things now that at least people might think twice before having them. Unfortunately the points are also higher for the GOOD carbs - whole grains in particular. I made a wheatberry salad on Saturday, November 27th that calculated to 6 points, and on Sunday, November 28th it calculated to 9 points. The WWer's income (points allowance) has gone up for most people, but so has the cost of living (points values)!
Anyway, that being said, I have found that because I was eating very healthfully in the first place ("core-like" "South Beach-like" etc.) not much changed for me. However, in an effort to really be part of the wave, I started weighing and measuring and journaling (three things that I swore I would never do again... but here I am). I found that doing so reined in the portion sizes. Not a bad thing.
Because I was a WWer for years (to the point of obsession which is why I stopped) I find that this program is a bit difficult for two reasons:
1) I was a member when WW changed from New Freedom to the Points program. Over the years there were a few changes, but basically Points values stayed the same for most foods. As a result, unless it was a food that I had never eaten or bore no resemblance to something that I had eaten, I knew the points. I even knew the points - 100% accurately - when I read the Nutritional Information on a label or recipe. As such, this new formulation is really going against the tide of information already in my head.
2) It's not the 29 daily points that is a stretch (at last effort I had 24) it's the 49 weekly allowance. The first week I did the Points Plus program I found that after I had met my daily allowance and wanted something else, I didn't bother to weigh, measure or track. My mind said - "Oh, I have 49 points ... that will cover anything." As a result I stayed the same at my first WI, even though all my "classmates" had shown losses. But that's okay. I realized the error of my ways and started another week.
I'm nothing if not open-minded. I am going to continue to eat the way I always have (very few, if any processed foods). But, I will "follow" the tenets of Weight Watchers for now. I really don't feel like a hypocrite (which was why I was really loathe to start the program again) because (1) with the extra points I don't have to obsess over each one; (2) I respect WW for moving toward the newer research in nutritional science; and (3) I'm not the same person I was several years ago when I decided that the program was not for me.
I leave open the door, though, to the possibility that as I evolve and change some more, I might find that this still isn't the program for me. We shall see. Some people are offended by people who flip-flop. I am offended by people who do NOT flip-flop. What was true on Tuesday which made us behave in an "X" way, may not be the same on Thursday, which means the "X" way is no longer THE way.
Fourth Verse of the Tao:
The Tao is empty but inexhaustible, bottomless, the ancestor of it all.
Within it, the sharp edges become smooth; the twisted knots loosen; the sun is softened by a cloud; the dust settles into place. It is hidden, but always present....
This phrase invites me to think about the endless possibilities (flip-flopping included!) within myself and all that is out there. It invites me to take who I am, and change and flow and reinvent my actions and ideas, and trust my feelings - they may be hidden, and I might not know why I am doing something... but they are there and present, and are to be respected... When we say "The possibilities are endless" do we realize we are speaking the Tao?
Friday, December 10, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
They just keep falling....
We had a wonderful vacation at the Canadian side of Niagara Falls. What beauty and splendor. It was a very spiritual experience. We had a room that faced the Falls, and every time I looked out the window I said to my husband, "I don't understand it - they just keep falling." It hits me now, as I sit to write this entry, that the Falls and the rapids and the cliffs and vegetation are all Tao. They just be... the Falls just keep falling... I found a very real sense of peace and wonder, and it was a superlative way to regroup from my busy life. The third verse deals with contentment, and finding answers within:
Not exalting the gifted prevents quarreling.
Not collecting treasures prevents stealing.
Not seeing desirable things prevents confusion of the heart.
The wise therefore rule by emptying hearts and stuffing bellies, by weakening ambitions and strengthening bones.
If men lack knowledge and desire, then clever people will not try to interfere.
If nothing is done, then all will be well.
I almost went to a different translation because of the "full bellies" comment (lol) but I think that this translation speaks to the issue of not exalting the very things and foods that derail us when we are losing weight. How many of us have dreamed - nay, obsessed - with thoughts of chocolate, or cheesecake, or all-you-can eat buffets (etc. - pick your poison)? The more value we give these foods, the more we want them. What if we gave up the obsession, the exaltation of these foods and situations? Their hold on us would be diminished. We would be content with what truly nurtures our souls and fills our bellies.
Here is part of another translation (Stephen Mitchell):
The Master leads
by emptying people's minds
and filling their cores,
by weakening their ambition
and toughening their resolve.
He helps people lose everything
they know, everything they desire,
and creates confusion
in those who think that they know.
Practice not-doing,
and everything will fall into place.
This speaks also letting things go and just letting things be. But in my personal journey it also speaks to my earlier dieting madness: knowing all the "diets" and desiring to follow them and have their (not typical!) results only created confusion. The more I knew the less I knew. Which pyramid to follow: USDA? Mediterranean? Which things to count: calories, Points? Which method to use: on-line, paper journal? Which to have less of: carbs, fats, proteins? Which to have more of: carbs, fats, proteins? Letting go of all of this leads to letting go of the confusion and toughens my resolve to go about this in the way that is right for me: Practicing not-doing and letting everything fall into place. I love the word "fall" - it is so my experience this weekend: "They just keep falling..." No one has to do anything - they just do...
I also think that this verse speaks to the nature of the journey of weight loss. It is a common belief (and indeed many sayings - I am sure I could dig some up!) about how important it is to enjoy the process and not just live for end result. How much we miss and fret when the end result is what we focus on. We are so busy counting and measuring that we lose sight of WHAT we are counting and measuring: God's full bounty of wonderful food and libations (can crystal clear water be considered a libation? lol). If I'm so worried about how many calories or fat grams a food holds and make my choices based on those decisions, will I miss opportunities to eat and enjoy foods that are in season, farm fresh dairy, lovingly prepared baked goods?
How can I be on this journey and make it fun? I love a farmer's market feel to grocery shopping, and to that end I bought some lovely baskets and bring home my groceries in those. I DO stop at some of the tasting stations that Whole Foods sets up throughout the store (in the "olden days" I didn't allow myself even a morsel of what was being offered if I couldn't count the Points - oh my, what wonderful new foods I missed out on!). I DO stray from my list if there are in-store local farmers' produce being offered that I didn't expect. I am not a wine drinker - (in a former life I didn't want to waste the calories) but my husband and I went to a vineyard in Canada and I had the delightful experience of tasting ice wine for the first time - never mind it was the first time I had ever done a tasting at a winery! We also had a buffet dinner and I had some of the most wonderfully delicious foods and desserts that I have ever had! I passed by the things that I was familiar with and could loosely count, and instead had some of the more special and exotic offerings, and was more satisfied with eating less.
And I think those are the messages in this verse: Less is more. Not obsessing ends the confusion. Doing nothing brings about everything. Be content. Just BE.
Samida
Not exalting the gifted prevents quarreling.
Not collecting treasures prevents stealing.
Not seeing desirable things prevents confusion of the heart.
The wise therefore rule by emptying hearts and stuffing bellies, by weakening ambitions and strengthening bones.
If men lack knowledge and desire, then clever people will not try to interfere.
If nothing is done, then all will be well.
I almost went to a different translation because of the "full bellies" comment (lol) but I think that this translation speaks to the issue of not exalting the very things and foods that derail us when we are losing weight. How many of us have dreamed - nay, obsessed - with thoughts of chocolate, or cheesecake, or all-you-can eat buffets (etc. - pick your poison)? The more value we give these foods, the more we want them. What if we gave up the obsession, the exaltation of these foods and situations? Their hold on us would be diminished. We would be content with what truly nurtures our souls and fills our bellies.
Here is part of another translation (Stephen Mitchell):
The Master leads
by emptying people's minds
and filling their cores,
by weakening their ambition
and toughening their resolve.
He helps people lose everything
they know, everything they desire,
and creates confusion
in those who think that they know.
Practice not-doing,
and everything will fall into place.
This speaks also letting things go and just letting things be. But in my personal journey it also speaks to my earlier dieting madness: knowing all the "diets" and desiring to follow them and have their (not typical!) results only created confusion. The more I knew the less I knew. Which pyramid to follow: USDA? Mediterranean? Which things to count: calories, Points? Which method to use: on-line, paper journal? Which to have less of: carbs, fats, proteins? Which to have more of: carbs, fats, proteins? Letting go of all of this leads to letting go of the confusion and toughens my resolve to go about this in the way that is right for me: Practicing not-doing and letting everything fall into place. I love the word "fall" - it is so my experience this weekend: "They just keep falling..." No one has to do anything - they just do...
I also think that this verse speaks to the nature of the journey of weight loss. It is a common belief (and indeed many sayings - I am sure I could dig some up!) about how important it is to enjoy the process and not just live for end result. How much we miss and fret when the end result is what we focus on. We are so busy counting and measuring that we lose sight of WHAT we are counting and measuring: God's full bounty of wonderful food and libations (can crystal clear water be considered a libation? lol). If I'm so worried about how many calories or fat grams a food holds and make my choices based on those decisions, will I miss opportunities to eat and enjoy foods that are in season, farm fresh dairy, lovingly prepared baked goods?
How can I be on this journey and make it fun? I love a farmer's market feel to grocery shopping, and to that end I bought some lovely baskets and bring home my groceries in those. I DO stop at some of the tasting stations that Whole Foods sets up throughout the store (in the "olden days" I didn't allow myself even a morsel of what was being offered if I couldn't count the Points - oh my, what wonderful new foods I missed out on!). I DO stray from my list if there are in-store local farmers' produce being offered that I didn't expect. I am not a wine drinker - (in a former life I didn't want to waste the calories) but my husband and I went to a vineyard in Canada and I had the delightful experience of tasting ice wine for the first time - never mind it was the first time I had ever done a tasting at a winery! We also had a buffet dinner and I had some of the most wonderfully delicious foods and desserts that I have ever had! I passed by the things that I was familiar with and could loosely count, and instead had some of the more special and exotic offerings, and was more satisfied with eating less.
And I think those are the messages in this verse: Less is more. Not obsessing ends the confusion. Doing nothing brings about everything. Be content. Just BE.
Samida
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Verse 2 - A Paradox of One
I didn't intend to come to Verse 2 so soon, but it is hand-in-hand with what I wrote about yesterday. It speaks to the paradoxical nature of life, and how it is important to accept both sides to have the one. I wrote about the paradox yesterday, but how this verse speaks to me with regard to returning to health is what is said in the last two lines: "Work is done, then forgotten. Therefore it lasts forever."
Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
Therefore having and not having arise together.
Difficult and easy complement each other.
Long and short contrast each other:
High and low rest upon each other;
Voice and sound harmonize each other;
Front and back follow one another.
I realized that I am at a time in my life where I need a more natural approach. An approach that trusts MY nature, not the rules of a diet. I am mature. I am intelligent. I have source energy in me. I can TRUST. Again, without judgment, it is neither good nor bad. It just is what it is. And for me, personally, I have reached a time in my life when this is what is good for me. I read a lot of message boards and blogs, and I am saddened at the struggle so many people face with their efforts to lose weight. Again, not at all judging that I am doing it the right way and they are doing it the wrong way, but rather I feel that they are still in the morning of their lives when they could be comfortably moving on and trusting themselves to move on to the evening of their lives. The conversations are about "Oh my god, I've lost a pound and now I've lost two Points." "Oh my god, how am I going to weigh and measure and count calories the rest of my life?" "Oh my god, I'll never get back to my wedding-day weight." And on and on... Why cannot the conversations be, "This is easy." "I've been living from the end and it works!" "I just quiet myself and I know when to stop eating." "I listen to my body and I know what to eat." "All I did was put on my big-girl panties and trust myself to know what to do."
"Work is done, then forgotten." Instead of counting and weighing and measuring and WORKING so hard, why not just let it be, and forget it. Trust yourself that there is no need to remember how many ounces of lean protein you had at breakfast in order to determine how many to have at lunch. Just allow your body to know what to do. "Therefore it lasts forever." And this is the crux of what attracts me so much to living from the end, imagining, and clean eating. I feel that it is something that I can live with forever. My body will know when it needs more food or less. My body will know when it needs more protein or less. My body will know when it needs more fat or carbohydrates, or less. My body will know. My body will trust. I will trust.
I am trying to read my posts as an outsider to myself. Please know, from the bottom of my heart, I am absolutely not judging anyone who still is holding on to a "diet mentality." My only purpose here is to share with you what works for me and why this is so. Maybe some of you, who have been afraid to move from counting Points or calories to Core, Clean Eating or South Beach, will see a little bit of yourselves in my postings and you will have the courage to test the waters with trusting your own nature.
Samida
p.s. leaving on vacation tomorrow - will be back next week!
Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
Therefore having and not having arise together.
Difficult and easy complement each other.
Long and short contrast each other:
High and low rest upon each other;
Voice and sound harmonize each other;
Front and back follow one another.
Therefore the sage goes about doing nothing, teaching no-talking.
The ten thousand things rise and fall without cease,
Creating, yet not.
Working, yet not taking credit.
Work is done, then forgotten.
Therefore it lasts forever.
I realized that I am at a time in my life where I need a more natural approach. An approach that trusts MY nature, not the rules of a diet. I am mature. I am intelligent. I have source energy in me. I can TRUST. Again, without judgment, it is neither good nor bad. It just is what it is. And for me, personally, I have reached a time in my life when this is what is good for me. I read a lot of message boards and blogs, and I am saddened at the struggle so many people face with their efforts to lose weight. Again, not at all judging that I am doing it the right way and they are doing it the wrong way, but rather I feel that they are still in the morning of their lives when they could be comfortably moving on and trusting themselves to move on to the evening of their lives. The conversations are about "Oh my god, I've lost a pound and now I've lost two Points." "Oh my god, how am I going to weigh and measure and count calories the rest of my life?" "Oh my god, I'll never get back to my wedding-day weight." And on and on... Why cannot the conversations be, "This is easy." "I've been living from the end and it works!" "I just quiet myself and I know when to stop eating." "I listen to my body and I know what to eat." "All I did was put on my big-girl panties and trust myself to know what to do."
"Work is done, then forgotten." Instead of counting and weighing and measuring and WORKING so hard, why not just let it be, and forget it. Trust yourself that there is no need to remember how many ounces of lean protein you had at breakfast in order to determine how many to have at lunch. Just allow your body to know what to do. "Therefore it lasts forever." And this is the crux of what attracts me so much to living from the end, imagining, and clean eating. I feel that it is something that I can live with forever. My body will know when it needs more food or less. My body will know when it needs more protein or less. My body will know when it needs more fat or carbohydrates, or less. My body will know. My body will trust. I will trust.
I am trying to read my posts as an outsider to myself. Please know, from the bottom of my heart, I am absolutely not judging anyone who still is holding on to a "diet mentality." My only purpose here is to share with you what works for me and why this is so. Maybe some of you, who have been afraid to move from counting Points or calories to Core, Clean Eating or South Beach, will see a little bit of yourselves in my postings and you will have the courage to test the waters with trusting your own nature.
Samida
p.s. leaving on vacation tomorrow - will be back next week!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Lemons and Sour Pickles
The subtitle of this post is: "Just how powerful thoughts are." Imagine a lemon in your hands. Feel the size, shape and texture. Imagine putting it on a cutting board and taking a knife and cutting through it. Imagine putting it to your tongue and squeezing out some of the juice. What just happened? Did you salivate? Imagine it again with a sour pickle. Allowing your imagination to flow can be as powerful as doing.
Think from the end. If you want to lose weight, imagine yourself already there. Never been thin, been so many years ago you forget? Imagine a body that seems comfortable to you and photoshop your head onto it. Do it. There you go. For myself, I do not imagine an airbrushed version of a skinny 20-something actress prancing around on the beach who is on the cover of People. I imagine myself 2 sizes smaller (honest to god - all this to just to be two sizes smaller!) and I focus on the knees. Healthy strong knees. I'm blessed at 58 not to have a single wrinkle on my face. But I got lousy knees... I imagine what it feels like. I imagine everything that comes with it: Ease of movement, clothing in size mediums and 12s and 14s, knees that don't ache (so much), enjoying a bounty of healthy foods (but not eating the whole bounty at one sitting), a smile, a feeling of accomplishment... Good feelings. Happy feelings. And I can have them all NOW. THIS MINUTE.
The trick here is to imagine something that is natural and comfortable for you. We would all like to wake up tomorrow 20 pounds lighter. But really... is that natural? I guarantee it wouldn't be comfortable because to have done so probably means you had both legs cut off during the night while you were sleeping. I can, however, imagine myself 20 pounds lighter by the end of two months....
A person who is a healthy size with healthy bloodwork is not the type of person who will overeat, binge, eat junk food, be a couch potato. So if I already am salivating while I am imagining the pickle, why can I not already be "there" by imagining myself to be the person in the body I imagine. Which thoughts will get me to where I want to go: "I am fat, I'll never lose weight, I'm old and tired, my knees hurt, I give up" ..... OR "I am fit, I am fabulous, I feel great, I eat right, I am healthy" hmm? Some would say the first set of thoughts will get you to where you want to be because beating yourself is where it's at if you want to motivate yourself. I would say that the second set of thoughts will get me to where I want to go because once I have already imagined it, it sets things in motion because reality always seeks to align with thoughts.
It is not that you wish it and imagine it and wish it and imagine it and poof - one morning it is there for you. What makes thinking from the end work is that eventually you align your behaviors with what will take you there. If I am imagining myself as someone who is physical eventually I will align my behaviors so that I am. If I am imagining myself as someone who eats healthy my behaviors will align with that. How aligned are my spirit and my behavior with my thoughts? If your thoughts are to berate yourself, beat yourself up, and believe that this time will be not be different from any other, then your spirit will be beaten and your behavior will be aligned with what you have thought - "I will never lose weight. I can't lose weight. I hate measuring foods. This time isn't any different." BUT, if your thoughts are that you are already healthy, then your spirit is free and excited, and your behaviors are aligned with the way you ARE. We have all heard of water seeking its own level. This is no different. Our behaviors will seek the level you set for it.
You cannot find abundance by dwelling on lack. You cannot find your calling by insisting you have none. You cannot find health by dwelling on illness and disease. Michelangelo said, "The greatest danger for most of us lies in not setting our mark too high and falling short; it is in setting our aim too low, and reaching our mark." He is also the one who said, "I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free." I think that all the negative thoughts and labels we give ourselves are that block of marble. It is in the imagination and good thoughts that we are able to carve away the stone until we set ourselves free. Why not have a high mark instead of a low one? Why sell ourselves short with regard to all the accomplishments that are available to us?
But, turning back to verse 1 of the Tao, aren't we supposed to dwell in "desirelessness" and allowing instead of wanting and doing? Here is the rub: The Tao is not telling us to not want and not do. The Tao is telling us that we must live in, and accept, the dichotomy of all of life. There is no life without a concept of death. There is no concept of black without the concept of white. There is no concept of tall without a concept of short. Each quality fits into and against its opposite. It is okay to want and desire to lose weight, but the success of doing so lies in allowing the process instead of forcing the process. Allowing versus doing. I am on a journey of allowing my body to enjoy nature's bounty in the way my body was intended to enjoy it. I am cooking and baking "clean" foods and then sitting and listening to my body tell me what it wants in the portions it wants. I am allowing the process. I am not reversing it (doing) and using my ego to tell my body what it wants: x amount of calories of this, x ounces of that, etc. I can want yet allow.
It's so peaceful here in this place....
Samida
Think from the end. If you want to lose weight, imagine yourself already there. Never been thin, been so many years ago you forget? Imagine a body that seems comfortable to you and photoshop your head onto it. Do it. There you go. For myself, I do not imagine an airbrushed version of a skinny 20-something actress prancing around on the beach who is on the cover of People. I imagine myself 2 sizes smaller (honest to god - all this to just to be two sizes smaller!) and I focus on the knees. Healthy strong knees. I'm blessed at 58 not to have a single wrinkle on my face. But I got lousy knees... I imagine what it feels like. I imagine everything that comes with it: Ease of movement, clothing in size mediums and 12s and 14s, knees that don't ache (so much), enjoying a bounty of healthy foods (but not eating the whole bounty at one sitting), a smile, a feeling of accomplishment... Good feelings. Happy feelings. And I can have them all NOW. THIS MINUTE.
The trick here is to imagine something that is natural and comfortable for you. We would all like to wake up tomorrow 20 pounds lighter. But really... is that natural? I guarantee it wouldn't be comfortable because to have done so probably means you had both legs cut off during the night while you were sleeping. I can, however, imagine myself 20 pounds lighter by the end of two months....
A person who is a healthy size with healthy bloodwork is not the type of person who will overeat, binge, eat junk food, be a couch potato. So if I already am salivating while I am imagining the pickle, why can I not already be "there" by imagining myself to be the person in the body I imagine. Which thoughts will get me to where I want to go: "I am fat, I'll never lose weight, I'm old and tired, my knees hurt, I give up" ..... OR "I am fit, I am fabulous, I feel great, I eat right, I am healthy" hmm? Some would say the first set of thoughts will get you to where you want to be because beating yourself is where it's at if you want to motivate yourself. I would say that the second set of thoughts will get me to where I want to go because once I have already imagined it, it sets things in motion because reality always seeks to align with thoughts.
It is not that you wish it and imagine it and wish it and imagine it and poof - one morning it is there for you. What makes thinking from the end work is that eventually you align your behaviors with what will take you there. If I am imagining myself as someone who is physical eventually I will align my behaviors so that I am. If I am imagining myself as someone who eats healthy my behaviors will align with that. How aligned are my spirit and my behavior with my thoughts? If your thoughts are to berate yourself, beat yourself up, and believe that this time will be not be different from any other, then your spirit will be beaten and your behavior will be aligned with what you have thought - "I will never lose weight. I can't lose weight. I hate measuring foods. This time isn't any different." BUT, if your thoughts are that you are already healthy, then your spirit is free and excited, and your behaviors are aligned with the way you ARE. We have all heard of water seeking its own level. This is no different. Our behaviors will seek the level you set for it.
You cannot find abundance by dwelling on lack. You cannot find your calling by insisting you have none. You cannot find health by dwelling on illness and disease. Michelangelo said, "The greatest danger for most of us lies in not setting our mark too high and falling short; it is in setting our aim too low, and reaching our mark." He is also the one who said, "I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free." I think that all the negative thoughts and labels we give ourselves are that block of marble. It is in the imagination and good thoughts that we are able to carve away the stone until we set ourselves free. Why not have a high mark instead of a low one? Why sell ourselves short with regard to all the accomplishments that are available to us?
But, turning back to verse 1 of the Tao, aren't we supposed to dwell in "desirelessness" and allowing instead of wanting and doing? Here is the rub: The Tao is not telling us to not want and not do. The Tao is telling us that we must live in, and accept, the dichotomy of all of life. There is no life without a concept of death. There is no concept of black without the concept of white. There is no concept of tall without a concept of short. Each quality fits into and against its opposite. It is okay to want and desire to lose weight, but the success of doing so lies in allowing the process instead of forcing the process. Allowing versus doing. I am on a journey of allowing my body to enjoy nature's bounty in the way my body was intended to enjoy it. I am cooking and baking "clean" foods and then sitting and listening to my body tell me what it wants in the portions it wants. I am allowing the process. I am not reversing it (doing) and using my ego to tell my body what it wants: x amount of calories of this, x ounces of that, etc. I can want yet allow.
It's so peaceful here in this place....
Samida
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Verse 1
Okay - the original title for this post was "Working Verse 1" until I read and re-read the verse so that I could talk about it and then realized that the very underlying message of the Tao is to "ALLOW" things... not work them! I hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew (so to speak). I know in my heart that this is where I am right now - where I need to be in my path back towards health. But explaining it (even to myself) is a whole other thing... sigh... Here is the verse and then let me explore what the verse means to me in terms of what will return me to health (bear with me... each day one on a verse might be a bit jumbled, but I will take many days to work it out):
The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao.
The name that can be named is not the eternal name.
The nameless is the beginning of heaven and Earth.
The named is the mother of the ten thousand things.
Ever desireless, one can see the mystery.
Ever desiring, one sees the manifestations.
These two spring from the same source but differ in name; this appears as darkness.
Darkness within darkness.
The gate to all mystery. Translation by Gia-fu Feng and Jane English (by the way, yesterday's Verse 9 was also translated by Feng and English).
For me one of the meanings that jumps out is the need to stop labeling and judging. How often does our self-talk get in the way of progress? How often do the wrong thoughts derail us? Okay - so how exactly do I get this out of that verse? "The name that can be named is not the eternal name." Calling something water or agua or whatever does not make it water. We only use the label "water" to identify it to someone else. It does not define the essence or being of water. Think back to the movie about Helen Keller when her teacher, Ann Sullivan, held her hand under the water pump and spelled out the word water. The WORD water would have meant nothing without also the experience of water. However, one can experience water without knowing the word for it.
So, what happens when we label ourselves? For example, we are all dressed up to go out. Our hair and nails are beautiful. We are wearing a new outfit, a new lipstick, new shoes. We feel so good and someone in our household sees us and says how great we look and we just have a lilt in our step. THEN... we look in the mirror to see the whole ensemble and what do we think? FAT. OLD. TIRED. What do those labels do to us? We are immediately deflated, mad at ourselves, doubtful about going out, etc. Why not just experience the wonderful feeling that we had before we put a label on what we (thought we) saw?
And, what about labeling others? Last night, just to be funny, I found some fault with every single person I saw on television for about 20 minutes. OMG: her eyes are different sizes; he looks like he is wearing a mask; does she know that her skirt hikes up when she sits down; I don't understand hairstyles nowadays; etc. etc. It made me realize how critical I am. It was only a game (because I knew I would be writing about labeling today) but if it wasn't in me to do it would it have come out of me? (Can you get grape juice out of an orange?) I manage to censor the verbal output but I am sure this labeling and judging goes on in my mind constantly. And since we are harder on ourselves than we would be on anyone else, what sort of self-labeling and self-judging goes on that wears me down and tears me down, even when I am not fully aware of it? How much more joyful would eating well and exercising be if I didn't constantly have a river of judgment flowing beneath my every thought and action?
Another thing that jumps out at me (well it didn't exactly jump ... I had to search for it) is that when one allows ("desireless") the answers come, the mysteries are revealed. When one tries too hard (desires) the answer is elusive while everything wrong with the situation (manifestations) sets up roadblocks. I think this is the crux of my journey here. I want to do more allowing and less directing. I don't want to diet, I want to BE the diet. Does that make sense? My whole coming to peace with myself and eating clean seems more in the way (tao) of things and the way to uncovering the mysteries of returning to health, than beating myself to death with rules and judgments.
There is also acknowledgment of the yin and yang of the universe in this verse. The paradox of naming something but it's not its name; desiring something but needing to be "desireless" to have it; darkness being the gateway to the light. So in my efforts I have to realize that although I want to return to health I need to allow myself to find my way without too much direction to get there. Not following a diet is the way to lose weight.
More on this tomorrow.... I'm going to allow verse 1 to wash over me and take me where I am going....
Samida
The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao.
The name that can be named is not the eternal name.
The nameless is the beginning of heaven and Earth.
The named is the mother of the ten thousand things.
Ever desireless, one can see the mystery.
Ever desiring, one sees the manifestations.
These two spring from the same source but differ in name; this appears as darkness.
Darkness within darkness.
The gate to all mystery. Translation by Gia-fu Feng and Jane English (by the way, yesterday's Verse 9 was also translated by Feng and English).
For me one of the meanings that jumps out is the need to stop labeling and judging. How often does our self-talk get in the way of progress? How often do the wrong thoughts derail us? Okay - so how exactly do I get this out of that verse? "The name that can be named is not the eternal name." Calling something water or agua or whatever does not make it water. We only use the label "water" to identify it to someone else. It does not define the essence or being of water. Think back to the movie about Helen Keller when her teacher, Ann Sullivan, held her hand under the water pump and spelled out the word water. The WORD water would have meant nothing without also the experience of water. However, one can experience water without knowing the word for it.
So, what happens when we label ourselves? For example, we are all dressed up to go out. Our hair and nails are beautiful. We are wearing a new outfit, a new lipstick, new shoes. We feel so good and someone in our household sees us and says how great we look and we just have a lilt in our step. THEN... we look in the mirror to see the whole ensemble and what do we think? FAT. OLD. TIRED. What do those labels do to us? We are immediately deflated, mad at ourselves, doubtful about going out, etc. Why not just experience the wonderful feeling that we had before we put a label on what we (thought we) saw?
And, what about labeling others? Last night, just to be funny, I found some fault with every single person I saw on television for about 20 minutes. OMG: her eyes are different sizes; he looks like he is wearing a mask; does she know that her skirt hikes up when she sits down; I don't understand hairstyles nowadays; etc. etc. It made me realize how critical I am. It was only a game (because I knew I would be writing about labeling today) but if it wasn't in me to do it would it have come out of me? (Can you get grape juice out of an orange?) I manage to censor the verbal output but I am sure this labeling and judging goes on in my mind constantly. And since we are harder on ourselves than we would be on anyone else, what sort of self-labeling and self-judging goes on that wears me down and tears me down, even when I am not fully aware of it? How much more joyful would eating well and exercising be if I didn't constantly have a river of judgment flowing beneath my every thought and action?
Another thing that jumps out at me (well it didn't exactly jump ... I had to search for it) is that when one allows ("desireless") the answers come, the mysteries are revealed. When one tries too hard (desires) the answer is elusive while everything wrong with the situation (manifestations) sets up roadblocks. I think this is the crux of my journey here. I want to do more allowing and less directing. I don't want to diet, I want to BE the diet. Does that make sense? My whole coming to peace with myself and eating clean seems more in the way (tao) of things and the way to uncovering the mysteries of returning to health, than beating myself to death with rules and judgments.
There is also acknowledgment of the yin and yang of the universe in this verse. The paradox of naming something but it's not its name; desiring something but needing to be "desireless" to have it; darkness being the gateway to the light. So in my efforts I have to realize that although I want to return to health I need to allow myself to find my way without too much direction to get there. Not following a diet is the way to lose weight.
More on this tomorrow.... I'm going to allow verse 1 to wash over me and take me where I am going....
Samida
Monday, October 4, 2010
A new path on my journey
I had a long talk with one of my friends who suggested that I return to blogging as a way to record my journey along my weight-loss path. I had started to write a daily food journal on DWLZ but after a few days it felt very uncomfortable because the entire journey I am taking is to become a "normal" eater - and what normal eater logs every morsel that goes into his/her mouth? (And besides Dotti would have to increase her bandwidth 10% to accommodate me! lol) I could ask a normal eater at 4PM what s/he had for breakfast or what s/he had for lunch yesterday, and I guarantee you that unless s/he is tracking some sort of food plan in his/her head s/he won't remember. What I need is more of an exploration journal and less of a food journal. So here I am back again, but with a definite direction and inspiration.
For a couple of years now I have been moving toward a more spiritual way of approaching not just my life in general, but eating, in particular. It seems to me that there has to be something more than just the frantic efforts at weight loss that will actually move me towards PERMANENT weight loss. In my very first entry on this blog I listed all the different diets I had followed at various times in my life, and I ended up feeling very comfortable with the South Beach way of eating. A further step in that process is the "Eat-Clean" way of eating. I have found over the past few months that it is the most fulfilling and natural way of eating. The step beyond South Beach that it takes is the elimination of artificial ingredients. But, other than that, they are virtually the same (as far as I can see) and I have been cooking out of both cookbooks and eating from both view points.
However, I have taken the biggest step of all. This past weekend I have made the decision to stop drinking diet soda. (I haven't given up the carbonation though - I have switched, for now, to flavored sparkling spring water... maybe when I can take the next step I will switch to "just" water.) I felt that I couldn't be true to my journey unless I was willing to stop putting so much poison (in the form of aspartame, saccharin, etc.) into my body. What am I to do with the six pack of large bottles of diet Pepsi in my trunk? lol I have a girlfriend who drinks gallons of diet Pepsi - she's in for a surprise when she gets my stock!
This is the direction I am taking (eating clean) but what about my inspiration? I have been reading the Tao te Ching for a couple of years now. In actuality, it is 81 pages and can be read in an afternoon. So maybe I should say studying instead of reading (well I actually have been reading the Tao of this and the Tao of that - lol - many creative people have found the Tao - which means the way or the path - has clarified their approaches to things) . I may have talked about this in an earlier blog, but just to introduce it again: The Tao te Ching was written by Lao-tzu, a contemporary of (but much older than) Confucius. It is a book of 81 verses, and has been translated and published only second to the Bible. The verses offer guidance for a balanced life. Because returning to health (and then living in health) requires balance, it seemed to me that instead of making myself crazy counting and measuring and writing (be it "Points," calories, grams, etc.) that it would be more prudent, in the long run, to calm down, and accept the wisdom of a natural balance, with all the goodness that this great earth's food can offer me.
I see the direction and inspiration for this blog coming from looking at each verse and seeing how it applies to my life with regard to the balance necessary to return to health. There are some verses that are very perfect and obvious, such as Verse 9: "To keep on filling is not as good as stopping. Overfilled, the cupped hands drip, better to stop pouring." (There are many translations of the Tao de Ching - I don't have my books with me and so cannot here ascribe it to the translator - but I will come back and edit this post when I have the correct translator.) This resonates so deeply with the "stop eating when you are full" instructions that so many dieters are terrified of. They have eaten according to external cues for so many years they do not know how to trust themselves... but I digress. I was saying that some verses jump out as directly having to do with dieting, but I think to approach this journey correctly (well, correctly for me) I would like to just start at Verse 1, and spend a few days living it and relating it to my weight-loss journey.
This idea comes directly from Wayne Dyer's "Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life - Living the Wisdom of the Tao." He did just this. He deliberately lived the Tao for a full year, taking one verse at a time, and living it for four days. I have always had great respect for his writings up to this point - but in following his work since the writing of this book, I have to say that he moved to the next level in all respects. So FOR NOW (we know how things change) I would like to try this on for size for myself.
One last thing I want to share with regard to why I feel I need to make this shift from dieting to just being: There is a quote from Carl Gustav Jung that can explain it more than my own words: "Thoroughly unprepared, we take the step into the afternoon of life. Worse still, we take this step with the false presupposition that our truths and our ideals will serve us as hitherto. But we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning, for what was great in the morning will be little at evening and what in the morning was true, at evening will have become a lie." Dieting was the morning of my life. I am ready to move on to my evening.
So tomorrow will start my plunge into the Tao. Don't worry though - I'll still share great recipes, and fun stuff! lol I have the feeling though, I'm in for quite a ride!
Samida
For a couple of years now I have been moving toward a more spiritual way of approaching not just my life in general, but eating, in particular. It seems to me that there has to be something more than just the frantic efforts at weight loss that will actually move me towards PERMANENT weight loss. In my very first entry on this blog I listed all the different diets I had followed at various times in my life, and I ended up feeling very comfortable with the South Beach way of eating. A further step in that process is the "Eat-Clean" way of eating. I have found over the past few months that it is the most fulfilling and natural way of eating. The step beyond South Beach that it takes is the elimination of artificial ingredients. But, other than that, they are virtually the same (as far as I can see) and I have been cooking out of both cookbooks and eating from both view points.
However, I have taken the biggest step of all. This past weekend I have made the decision to stop drinking diet soda. (I haven't given up the carbonation though - I have switched, for now, to flavored sparkling spring water... maybe when I can take the next step I will switch to "just" water.) I felt that I couldn't be true to my journey unless I was willing to stop putting so much poison (in the form of aspartame, saccharin, etc.) into my body. What am I to do with the six pack of large bottles of diet Pepsi in my trunk? lol I have a girlfriend who drinks gallons of diet Pepsi - she's in for a surprise when she gets my stock!
This is the direction I am taking (eating clean) but what about my inspiration? I have been reading the Tao te Ching for a couple of years now. In actuality, it is 81 pages and can be read in an afternoon. So maybe I should say studying instead of reading (well I actually have been reading the Tao of this and the Tao of that - lol - many creative people have found the Tao - which means the way or the path - has clarified their approaches to things) . I may have talked about this in an earlier blog, but just to introduce it again: The Tao te Ching was written by Lao-tzu, a contemporary of (but much older than) Confucius. It is a book of 81 verses, and has been translated and published only second to the Bible. The verses offer guidance for a balanced life. Because returning to health (and then living in health) requires balance, it seemed to me that instead of making myself crazy counting and measuring and writing (be it "Points," calories, grams, etc.) that it would be more prudent, in the long run, to calm down, and accept the wisdom of a natural balance, with all the goodness that this great earth's food can offer me.
I see the direction and inspiration for this blog coming from looking at each verse and seeing how it applies to my life with regard to the balance necessary to return to health. There are some verses that are very perfect and obvious, such as Verse 9: "To keep on filling is not as good as stopping. Overfilled, the cupped hands drip, better to stop pouring." (There are many translations of the Tao de Ching - I don't have my books with me and so cannot here ascribe it to the translator - but I will come back and edit this post when I have the correct translator.) This resonates so deeply with the "stop eating when you are full" instructions that so many dieters are terrified of. They have eaten according to external cues for so many years they do not know how to trust themselves... but I digress. I was saying that some verses jump out as directly having to do with dieting, but I think to approach this journey correctly (well, correctly for me) I would like to just start at Verse 1, and spend a few days living it and relating it to my weight-loss journey.
This idea comes directly from Wayne Dyer's "Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life - Living the Wisdom of the Tao." He did just this. He deliberately lived the Tao for a full year, taking one verse at a time, and living it for four days. I have always had great respect for his writings up to this point - but in following his work since the writing of this book, I have to say that he moved to the next level in all respects. So FOR NOW (we know how things change) I would like to try this on for size for myself.
One last thing I want to share with regard to why I feel I need to make this shift from dieting to just being: There is a quote from Carl Gustav Jung that can explain it more than my own words: "Thoroughly unprepared, we take the step into the afternoon of life. Worse still, we take this step with the false presupposition that our truths and our ideals will serve us as hitherto. But we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning, for what was great in the morning will be little at evening and what in the morning was true, at evening will have become a lie." Dieting was the morning of my life. I am ready to move on to my evening.
So tomorrow will start my plunge into the Tao. Don't worry though - I'll still share great recipes, and fun stuff! lol I have the feeling though, I'm in for quite a ride!
Samida
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Onward and Upward: Kale Chips, casseroles and stews
Alas, my vacation is over... Back to work tomorrow. I find that the best success I have is being prepared with my meals AT LEAST through Wednesday of a work week. To that extent I have been cooking all morning (see below), and when I'm done blogging will head to the kitchen again to prepare at least two-days of fresh tossed salad. Someone gotta do it... lol
I have cycled through many "diets" and "lifestyles" in the past year, and have settled on the South Beach way of eating. For any of you who did the original South Beach, I urge you to get the new materials - it is much more "permissive" than it was years ago. The allowed foods go on for pages, including many more nuts, protein sources, etc. For a healthy way of eating (but a slower initial weight loss) you can jump right to Phase 2, which is as close to "normal" as any diet out there. The saying for when you have "strayed" is: "It is a treat not a cheat" which, psychologically, makes it easier to pick yourself up and go on rather than take an all or nothing attitude.
However, after a lot of soul searching, I realize that I am in this for the long-run and that indeed it is a lifestyle change, NOT a diet. (Well, it is a diet, but you know what I mean.) Your library should have all the new books and cookbooks, or else their website is FANTASTIC and EXTREMELY reasonably well-priced. The entire program, recipes, and support forums are there, and for an extra $3 you can sign up to have a personal dietitian work with you. I actually did that when I got started, and it was perfect. I got answers to all my questions, support, and anything personal that helped me (i.e., fitting this into my schedule, my family's way of eating, foods I liked, etc.). I no longer have the on-line membership, but it was great in getting me started.
So to that end, here are the recipes I made today:
I've made these before: Kale "chips" are a great substitute for potato chips IMHO :) (Although I am sure a full 50% of you won't try this and 50% of the remaining 50% won't like them lol ) Take a bunch of kale and remove the stems and tear the kale into bite-sized pieces. Toss with a bit of olive oil and salt and spread on a baking pan that has been sprayed with PAM. Bake in a slow oven (about 300) until the "chips" get crispy, stirring once. This is usually 30-45 minutes. While I had a slow oven going I also roasted some fennel bulbs and chicken breasts to use in salads and other recipes for the week.
Also - I made two of my MOST favorite vegetarian casseroles today from the South Beach Diet Super Quick Cookbook: Acorn Squash and Two-Bean Gratin (to which I added whole wheat pasta shells) and Picadillo-Style Lentil Stew. I am loathe to reproduce copyrighted recipes here but if you can get this cookbook from the library (or purchase it) I strongly recommend these two vegetarian recipes. Later in the week I am making Herbed Quinoa and Edamame Salad and African Red Bean Stew. Those two will be recipes I haven't tried yet but almost everything from this cookbook has been scrumptious so I have confidence that I will like these two as well.
I also made the "Chicken with Cremini Cream Sauce." Since first making this I must have made it a dozen times - sometimes at least once a week. What I do is bake the chicken breast separately and add it to the sauce later, and sometimes, when I don't even have time for that I buy the Perdue or Trader Joe's already cooked chicken breast and add it to the sauce. I cannot recommend this recipe highly enough - but do use cremini mushrooms or you will not have the same flavor.
Onward and upward on the path to clean eating!!!!
Samida
I have cycled through many "diets" and "lifestyles" in the past year, and have settled on the South Beach way of eating. For any of you who did the original South Beach, I urge you to get the new materials - it is much more "permissive" than it was years ago. The allowed foods go on for pages, including many more nuts, protein sources, etc. For a healthy way of eating (but a slower initial weight loss) you can jump right to Phase 2, which is as close to "normal" as any diet out there. The saying for when you have "strayed" is: "It is a treat not a cheat" which, psychologically, makes it easier to pick yourself up and go on rather than take an all or nothing attitude.
However, after a lot of soul searching, I realize that I am in this for the long-run and that indeed it is a lifestyle change, NOT a diet. (Well, it is a diet, but you know what I mean.) Your library should have all the new books and cookbooks, or else their website is FANTASTIC and EXTREMELY reasonably well-priced. The entire program, recipes, and support forums are there, and for an extra $3 you can sign up to have a personal dietitian work with you. I actually did that when I got started, and it was perfect. I got answers to all my questions, support, and anything personal that helped me (i.e., fitting this into my schedule, my family's way of eating, foods I liked, etc.). I no longer have the on-line membership, but it was great in getting me started.
So to that end, here are the recipes I made today:
I've made these before: Kale "chips" are a great substitute for potato chips IMHO :) (Although I am sure a full 50% of you won't try this and 50% of the remaining 50% won't like them lol ) Take a bunch of kale and remove the stems and tear the kale into bite-sized pieces. Toss with a bit of olive oil and salt and spread on a baking pan that has been sprayed with PAM. Bake in a slow oven (about 300) until the "chips" get crispy, stirring once. This is usually 30-45 minutes. While I had a slow oven going I also roasted some fennel bulbs and chicken breasts to use in salads and other recipes for the week.
Also - I made two of my MOST favorite vegetarian casseroles today from the South Beach Diet Super Quick Cookbook: Acorn Squash and Two-Bean Gratin (to which I added whole wheat pasta shells) and Picadillo-Style Lentil Stew. I am loathe to reproduce copyrighted recipes here but if you can get this cookbook from the library (or purchase it) I strongly recommend these two vegetarian recipes. Later in the week I am making Herbed Quinoa and Edamame Salad and African Red Bean Stew. Those two will be recipes I haven't tried yet but almost everything from this cookbook has been scrumptious so I have confidence that I will like these two as well.
I also made the "Chicken with Cremini Cream Sauce." Since first making this I must have made it a dozen times - sometimes at least once a week. What I do is bake the chicken breast separately and add it to the sauce later, and sometimes, when I don't even have time for that I buy the Perdue or Trader Joe's already cooked chicken breast and add it to the sauce. I cannot recommend this recipe highly enough - but do use cremini mushrooms or you will not have the same flavor.
Onward and upward on the path to clean eating!!!!
Samida
Friday, July 30, 2010
What a difference a snorkel makes
What? Okay let me explain. A couple of years ago my husband and I went to Discovery Cove and we were given our snorkels to keep. It sat in my linen closet until this summer when I took it out to use in our own pool. I noticed what a pleasure it was to swim without having to turn my neck to catch a breath (which also ruined my "form" since I'm not a trained swimmer). I've enjoyed using it in my own pool but then got the bright idea to bring it to the gym pool to use. EUREKA! Swimming laps has become a totally pleasurable experience. I had done the aqua jogging, but now with the snorkel I am so enjoying swimming, which, because it uses the upper body, is, in my opinion, a so much better workout than the aqua jogging (which is still better than nothing - but I can see it doesn't compare to the exertion of swimming). I have been taking it gently though, as one of my shoulder joints is doing a bit of belly aching, as this is my first real upper body workout since my rotator cuff surgery.
I have been doing 20 minutes on the treadmill, then lap swimming (I am only up to 14), then a reprieve in the hot tub, and then 10 laps against the current in the lazy river. I would like to add weights in the next couple of weeks, AND I promised my son I would use the track today instead of the treadmill. He made the point that with the track I am using my whole body, and with the treadmill, not only is the conveyor belt doing some of the work, but if I am holding on (which I do) my upper body is not getting a work out. He's right, of course. I am only up to a mile. I have been walking without my braces so I am trying not to overdo it. If I build up slowly my knees will hopefully get used to it.
You might remember that a while back I had hoped to be in the Disney Princess half-marathon but my doctor absolutely nixed that. He said that unless I could take a totally leisurely stroll with a lot of downtime between the miles, I would have to be scheduling surgery when I got back. Since that is not an option for me right now I decided not to do that, and I have to admit, I gave up everything. The time is right now (for some reason!) to pick up my activity again. Maybe because my son is doing it along with me. Who knows. Actually we get to the gym and head off our different ways, sometimes meeting up in the hot tub. So we aren't actually working out together, but it's nice to have him there in the gym with me.
Before going off to the gym I've been having an apple and a hard-boiled egg. When I get back I've been having a lovely (huge!) salad - lately with a cup of lentil salad on top of it - and fruit. Tonight we are having a friend over who is a vegetarian so there will be lots of yummy things on our dinner table!
Actually, this friend is a student of mine and a very gifted artist. I have hired her to design my gardens. I know beauty when I see it but no idea how to get there! She came to my house with a compass and worked out an entire feng-shui plan. This is an excerpt (it was quite a long and detailed report) of what she wrote at the first visit:
"Your house situation is perfect Feng Shui!!!!!!!! Looking out your front door, the left side of your house is called the green dragon and should be higher (it is) than the right side of your house which is called white tiger. The back of your house is called black turtle and this is a good place for tall trees."
I am so excited!! We are going to start just with the immediate front of the house, which is very shabby and needs a lot of work. There must be something in the air - a new garden, a new exercise plan...
Anyway - have a great weekend everyone. Stay cool!!
I have been doing 20 minutes on the treadmill, then lap swimming (I am only up to 14), then a reprieve in the hot tub, and then 10 laps against the current in the lazy river. I would like to add weights in the next couple of weeks, AND I promised my son I would use the track today instead of the treadmill. He made the point that with the track I am using my whole body, and with the treadmill, not only is the conveyor belt doing some of the work, but if I am holding on (which I do) my upper body is not getting a work out. He's right, of course. I am only up to a mile. I have been walking without my braces so I am trying not to overdo it. If I build up slowly my knees will hopefully get used to it.
You might remember that a while back I had hoped to be in the Disney Princess half-marathon but my doctor absolutely nixed that. He said that unless I could take a totally leisurely stroll with a lot of downtime between the miles, I would have to be scheduling surgery when I got back. Since that is not an option for me right now I decided not to do that, and I have to admit, I gave up everything. The time is right now (for some reason!) to pick up my activity again. Maybe because my son is doing it along with me. Who knows. Actually we get to the gym and head off our different ways, sometimes meeting up in the hot tub. So we aren't actually working out together, but it's nice to have him there in the gym with me.
Before going off to the gym I've been having an apple and a hard-boiled egg. When I get back I've been having a lovely (huge!) salad - lately with a cup of lentil salad on top of it - and fruit. Tonight we are having a friend over who is a vegetarian so there will be lots of yummy things on our dinner table!
Actually, this friend is a student of mine and a very gifted artist. I have hired her to design my gardens. I know beauty when I see it but no idea how to get there! She came to my house with a compass and worked out an entire feng-shui plan. This is an excerpt (it was quite a long and detailed report) of what she wrote at the first visit:
"Your house situation is perfect Feng Shui!!!!!!!!
I am so excited!! We are going to start just with the immediate front of the house, which is very shabby and needs a lot of work. There must be something in the air - a new garden, a new exercise plan...
Anyway - have a great weekend everyone. Stay cool!!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Monday again!
Good morning! Just enjoyed a wonderful weekend - relaxing AND working. Not work-work, if you know what I mean... HOUSE work - far tougher and more exhausting that work-work any day. The weekend is my grocery shopping time, and got some very nice things. Nothing too exciting, but enough to stock the fridge for at least till Thursday, and enough to make a wonderful dinner last night along with tons of left-overs to send home with my daughter, who is dog-sitting this week and not in her own kitchen.
Lately on DWLZ, we having some nice discussions on clean eating. Everyone defines it differently, but the common thread is non-processed and whole foods, as much as is possible and enjoyable. For WW followers, it would be very much like "Core" or "Simply Filling." As I've said before, this is my "normal" - just too much of it!
Yesterday was a typical clean-eating day (the exception being one small slice of WW's yogurt pie):
Breakfast: Egg substitute (don't know the brand, but it's one without millions of chemicals and coloring) scrambled with green peppers and scallions. Normally I use only fresh eggs, but I wanted to try this new brand - still not like a fresh egg, but pretty close. On the side I had sliced cucumbers and 1/2 cup of lentils.
Lunch: Green salad with hot-smoked trout. Blueberries.
Dinner: Appetizers: Yogurt and cucumber salad, babaghanoush, feta cheese (FULL fat sheep's milk - but one little piece instead of a whole slab!) and olives; Main course: Grilled onions and zucchini, green salad (tossed with raisins, walnuts and feta), grilled chicken breast.
Lots of swimming and fun in between. This has been the best summer yet. I know people are complaining that it's right up there with record-breakers (at least here in New England) but I am savoring every single day of it. I think I've been in the pool more this summer than the past 10 years combined. However, this is NOT to be confused with exercise. Floating around on a noodle with my feet dangling into the deep water doesn't count as anything except pure relaxation and happiness. If high cortisol levels make you retain fat, then mine should be melting away...
My son is after me to get going on the exercise. Yesterday he caught a good back-view of me while I washed dishes at the sink. In the most LOVING way (I assure you he is my biggest supporter) he said, "Mom, you're not even holding your own - you are gaining weight." Ah... better than a scale. So to support me we are joining a fitness and recreation center and we are going to work out at lunch. He even offered the supreme sacrifice of getting up early so we can work out before work. He totally doesn't need this as he works out and/or runs for more than two hours every night - and that's with a weight vest! Gotta love that boy.
TTYL!
Lately on DWLZ, we having some nice discussions on clean eating. Everyone defines it differently, but the common thread is non-processed and whole foods, as much as is possible and enjoyable. For WW followers, it would be very much like "Core" or "Simply Filling." As I've said before, this is my "normal" - just too much of it!
Yesterday was a typical clean-eating day (the exception being one small slice of WW's yogurt pie):
Breakfast: Egg substitute (don't know the brand, but it's one without millions of chemicals and coloring) scrambled with green peppers and scallions. Normally I use only fresh eggs, but I wanted to try this new brand - still not like a fresh egg, but pretty close. On the side I had sliced cucumbers and 1/2 cup of lentils.
Lunch: Green salad with hot-smoked trout. Blueberries.
Dinner: Appetizers: Yogurt and cucumber salad, babaghanoush, feta cheese (FULL fat sheep's milk - but one little piece instead of a whole slab!) and olives; Main course: Grilled onions and zucchini, green salad (tossed with raisins, walnuts and feta), grilled chicken breast.
Lots of swimming and fun in between. This has been the best summer yet. I know people are complaining that it's right up there with record-breakers (at least here in New England) but I am savoring every single day of it. I think I've been in the pool more this summer than the past 10 years combined. However, this is NOT to be confused with exercise. Floating around on a noodle with my feet dangling into the deep water doesn't count as anything except pure relaxation and happiness. If high cortisol levels make you retain fat, then mine should be melting away...
My son is after me to get going on the exercise. Yesterday he caught a good back-view of me while I washed dishes at the sink. In the most LOVING way (I assure you he is my biggest supporter) he said, "Mom, you're not even holding your own - you are gaining weight." Ah... better than a scale. So to support me we are joining a fitness and recreation center and we are going to work out at lunch. He even offered the supreme sacrifice of getting up early so we can work out before work. He totally doesn't need this as he works out and/or runs for more than two hours every night - and that's with a weight vest! Gotta love that boy.
TTYL!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Oh my gosh - it's been ages!
I wasn't even sure if I would remember my password! I have been away for so long (sorry to the people who actually do follow my blog and was wondering where I had disappeared to!) - busy busy - some of it good busy, some of it not good busy, but most of it just daily-grind busy! I don't know where to pick up, other than right now, here in the present. I do remember that this is about the time I started blogging last year - seems as though the summer brings a little extra time to relax and reflect.
Since the name of this blog is "Samida's Weightloss Journey" I suppose I owe it to you tell you exactly where I am on this journey. I have to say, "EXACTLY where I was last year!" I have to say that some of my summer clothes are exactly the same as the ones I was wearing 10 years ago. I don't go up OR down. This can be good OR bad! lol -- I wish vanity meant something to me - but it really doesn't. I like the way I am right now. A little thinner wouldn't hurt, but that's not important to me, as my weight hasn't stopped me from doing anything in my life that I have wanted to do. I really should go back over my blog and see if I am repeating myself here! (I actually did print it out with the intention of reading all my past entries - but it came to 50 pages, and I just didn't want to sit and read it - maybe I'll bring it with me tomorrow for some beach reading.) I WOULD like to change some of the numbers on my blood tests (the usual: sugar, cholesterol and triglycerides) - but even those are acceptable so not a whole lot of motivation there. NOT to mention that my knees are shot and I will probably have pain no matter what I weigh - until I replace them. Boy... am I (NOT) motivated to lose weight, or what?
HOWEVER - that being all said, I am STILL eating super healthy - things I have already shared with you. Right now I am trying to get a handle on my appetite and hunger. It's been strange (and I would call my doctor but my thyroid function is also perfect) - but even having a fantastic breakfast, I'm still hungry mid-morning: something that NEVER happens to me; or I am hungry (really hungry - not just rooting around out of boredom) in the evening after a good dinner. For example, yesterday's breakfast was: Plain non-fat yogurt, plain mini-shredded wheats, blueberries, walnuts and flaxseed oil with lignans. (For those of you counting points it was a whopping 8 points!) There is no way in HE-double hockey sticks I should have been hungry before noon or 1PM. However, there I was at 11AM absolutely hungry. Ditto for today: This morning I had smoked salmon, almonds and blueberries, and coffee with REAL cream (the fat in the salmon, nuts and cream really should have held me till at least noon). For lunch I had lentil salad (that recipe is early on in my blog) and hard-boiled eggs and throughout the day I had snacks of fruit and nuts. Last night I had chicken Parmesan (homemade - not fried and breaded with junk, and a totally wholesome sauce made from fresh tomatoes, onions and basil) with steamed greenbeans... I barely made it to 7 before I was ACTUALLY hungry. What's up with that? Oh well, at least I pride myself on not eating junk or white carbs or sugar.
I am eating all whole, dense foods, with plenty of (good) fat intake. I have to do some investigation and see what might be going on. It could also be that my body just has to get used to a smaller quantity (yes, I am always on a quest to lose weight) even though the quality and frequency of meals is first-class. And in case any of you are wondering: NO, I haven't increased physical activity. LOL - you don't know me at all if you ask that!
I have been cycling through both the new Supercharged South Beach (OMG - if any of you tried SB years ago you have got to invest in books on the new program - other than that pesky Phase 1, it is, in my opinion, totally different and more forgiving with many more choices) and the Eat-Clean Diet (Tosca Reno). Mostly I have been using the wonderful recipes of both programs rather than following the programs themselves. I swear, say DIET and I am running the other way. Call it a "lifestyle change" if you want... I still hear DIET. lol
Anyhoo - it's great to back and I promise to write weekly (at least) and put up some of my recipes and meal ideas.
Samida
Since the name of this blog is "Samida's Weightloss Journey" I suppose I owe it to you tell you exactly where I am on this journey. I have to say, "EXACTLY where I was last year!" I have to say that some of my summer clothes are exactly the same as the ones I was wearing 10 years ago. I don't go up OR down. This can be good OR bad! lol -- I wish vanity meant something to me - but it really doesn't. I like the way I am right now. A little thinner wouldn't hurt, but that's not important to me, as my weight hasn't stopped me from doing anything in my life that I have wanted to do. I really should go back over my blog and see if I am repeating myself here! (I actually did print it out with the intention of reading all my past entries - but it came to 50 pages, and I just didn't want to sit and read it - maybe I'll bring it with me tomorrow for some beach reading.) I WOULD like to change some of the numbers on my blood tests (the usual: sugar, cholesterol and triglycerides) - but even those are acceptable so not a whole lot of motivation there. NOT to mention that my knees are shot and I will probably have pain no matter what I weigh - until I replace them. Boy... am I (NOT) motivated to lose weight, or what?
HOWEVER - that being all said, I am STILL eating super healthy - things I have already shared with you. Right now I am trying to get a handle on my appetite and hunger. It's been strange (and I would call my doctor but my thyroid function is also perfect) - but even having a fantastic breakfast, I'm still hungry mid-morning: something that NEVER happens to me; or I am hungry (really hungry - not just rooting around out of boredom) in the evening after a good dinner. For example, yesterday's breakfast was: Plain non-fat yogurt, plain mini-shredded wheats, blueberries, walnuts and flaxseed oil with lignans. (For those of you counting points it was a whopping 8 points!) There is no way in HE-double hockey sticks I should have been hungry before noon or 1PM. However, there I was at 11AM absolutely hungry. Ditto for today: This morning I had smoked salmon, almonds and blueberries, and coffee with REAL cream (the fat in the salmon, nuts and cream really should have held me till at least noon). For lunch I had lentil salad (that recipe is early on in my blog) and hard-boiled eggs and throughout the day I had snacks of fruit and nuts. Last night I had chicken Parmesan (homemade - not fried and breaded with junk, and a totally wholesome sauce made from fresh tomatoes, onions and basil) with steamed greenbeans... I barely made it to 7 before I was ACTUALLY hungry. What's up with that? Oh well, at least I pride myself on not eating junk or white carbs or sugar.
I am eating all whole, dense foods, with plenty of (good) fat intake. I have to do some investigation and see what might be going on. It could also be that my body just has to get used to a smaller quantity (yes, I am always on a quest to lose weight) even though the quality and frequency of meals is first-class. And in case any of you are wondering: NO, I haven't increased physical activity. LOL - you don't know me at all if you ask that!
I have been cycling through both the new Supercharged South Beach (OMG - if any of you tried SB years ago you have got to invest in books on the new program - other than that pesky Phase 1, it is, in my opinion, totally different and more forgiving with many more choices) and the Eat-Clean Diet (Tosca Reno). Mostly I have been using the wonderful recipes of both programs rather than following the programs themselves. I swear, say DIET and I am running the other way. Call it a "lifestyle change" if you want... I still hear DIET. lol
Anyhoo - it's great to back and I promise to write weekly (at least) and put up some of my recipes and meal ideas.
Samida
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
As the week chugs along....
Boy oh boy... back to my FULL schedule. I had to take in a huge bag of groceries and meals yesterday. Back to lunch and dinner in my office, as I teach right after work. I have to feel things out though - I'm finding I don't need as much food as I've allowed... but some days I do.
Yesterday: I had a very large salad with salmon for lunch. Also, my popcorn and later in the afternoon tea with Almondina cookies. Then I wanted to make sure I had dinner before class because it's never good news when I've gone to my 7PM class without dinner. However, I just did not feel like eating everything I brought with me. I had a small portion of the ziti I made the other day, but not the veggies I brought with it. On the way in to work I suspected this might be the case (not wanting to eat everything) so I stopped and bought apples, string cheese, and whole wheat pita bread. So, on the way home from class I had bread, apple and cheese for a snack in the car, and lo-and-behold, I didn't even go into the kitchen when I got home around 10.
So... today.... I'm hungry! At about 10AM I had the vegetable plate that I did not have last night with the ziti, and that's enough to hold me till lunch which is, again, salmon and salad. I am going straight to class tonight after work, but the difference is that it's an hour earlier than last night's class so for sure I won't want dinner before class. Thinking ahead (boy this is becoming a habit!) I packed a vanilla yogurt to mix with a cup of blueberries, 1/2 cup of some kind of Kashi cereal, and a TBS of walnuts. I'm sorry I forgot to bring my apple/cheese/bread snack for the car after class - I'll be very hungry when I get home. I have to think this through so I don't go haywire when I walk through the door.
Yesterday I made (but did not eat) a crockpot chicken dish with stuffing and veggies. That might work, or maybe I'll stop in at Trader Joe's on the way home to pick something up. Morningstar (fake) riblets just flashed before my eyes!
Tomorrow I have my challenge as I am going out to lunch with mom. I'm watching Phantom Gourmet now (it's a restaurant review show that airs in the Boston area) to see if they come up with any lunch restaurants we haven't tried yet. Always on the lookout for something inexpensive that has good parking. (Mom has a walker and I really have to be able to pull up right at the door - harder when there's snow on the ground.)
Okay - so I was asked - what IS normal eating? LOL - still trying to figure it out. But, I'm realizing that normal (for me) eating does not mean free for all, or totally unplanned meals. I still need to think ahead and have some structure. I can have anything I want - just not all at once! I have an awareness of my fruit and vegetable servings (I never skimp on veggies but sometimes I might hit a day where I have 1 or no fruit) and my carb intake. But, not necessarily in terms of limiting it, just in terms of eating it. However, I am careful to pick whole grains and try to stay away from white flour and sugar - which lets out all the processed junk that I'm not eating anyway!
Haha - they are reviewing the place where mom and I go - Jim's Deli in Brighton. Old fashioned and oh so huge portions at a small price! Once all the snow is melted we'll head there again because there is only street parking and it's hard to find something close. They put this review show on just before lunch so I'm chomping at the bit to eat as soon as it's over. LOL They also reviewed The Fireplace in Brookline - we went there the night my daughter got her PhD from Harvard. They have a lunch menu too, but a little pricey for mom's lunch pocketbook. Oh my... now they are giving a gourmet recipe for grilled cheese. Can you say HEART ATTACK?????
Anyway - it's about lunchtime and I have a salad with grilled salmon waiting for me...
Samida
Yesterday: I had a very large salad with salmon for lunch. Also, my popcorn and later in the afternoon tea with Almondina cookies. Then I wanted to make sure I had dinner before class because it's never good news when I've gone to my 7PM class without dinner. However, I just did not feel like eating everything I brought with me. I had a small portion of the ziti I made the other day, but not the veggies I brought with it. On the way in to work I suspected this might be the case (not wanting to eat everything) so I stopped and bought apples, string cheese, and whole wheat pita bread. So, on the way home from class I had bread, apple and cheese for a snack in the car, and lo-and-behold, I didn't even go into the kitchen when I got home around 10.
So... today.... I'm hungry! At about 10AM I had the vegetable plate that I did not have last night with the ziti, and that's enough to hold me till lunch which is, again, salmon and salad. I am going straight to class tonight after work, but the difference is that it's an hour earlier than last night's class so for sure I won't want dinner before class. Thinking ahead (boy this is becoming a habit!) I packed a vanilla yogurt to mix with a cup of blueberries, 1/2 cup of some kind of Kashi cereal, and a TBS of walnuts. I'm sorry I forgot to bring my apple/cheese/bread snack for the car after class - I'll be very hungry when I get home. I have to think this through so I don't go haywire when I walk through the door.
Yesterday I made (but did not eat) a crockpot chicken dish with stuffing and veggies. That might work, or maybe I'll stop in at Trader Joe's on the way home to pick something up. Morningstar (fake) riblets just flashed before my eyes!
Tomorrow I have my challenge as I am going out to lunch with mom. I'm watching Phantom Gourmet now (it's a restaurant review show that airs in the Boston area) to see if they come up with any lunch restaurants we haven't tried yet. Always on the lookout for something inexpensive that has good parking. (Mom has a walker and I really have to be able to pull up right at the door - harder when there's snow on the ground.)
Okay - so I was asked - what IS normal eating? LOL - still trying to figure it out. But, I'm realizing that normal (for me) eating does not mean free for all, or totally unplanned meals. I still need to think ahead and have some structure. I can have anything I want - just not all at once! I have an awareness of my fruit and vegetable servings (I never skimp on veggies but sometimes I might hit a day where I have 1 or no fruit) and my carb intake. But, not necessarily in terms of limiting it, just in terms of eating it. However, I am careful to pick whole grains and try to stay away from white flour and sugar - which lets out all the processed junk that I'm not eating anyway!
Haha - they are reviewing the place where mom and I go - Jim's Deli in Brighton. Old fashioned and oh so huge portions at a small price! Once all the snow is melted we'll head there again because there is only street parking and it's hard to find something close. They put this review show on just before lunch so I'm chomping at the bit to eat as soon as it's over. LOL They also reviewed The Fireplace in Brookline - we went there the night my daughter got her PhD from Harvard. They have a lunch menu too, but a little pricey for mom's lunch pocketbook. Oh my... now they are giving a gourmet recipe for grilled cheese. Can you say HEART ATTACK?????
Anyway - it's about lunchtime and I have a salad with grilled salmon waiting for me...
Samida
Saturday, January 23, 2010
I didn't run away I promise
LOL. Enjoyed dinner last night. In the end it was NOT worth the money or the effort to go to a place I had been looking forward to. Just as well - kept my eating in check. It's sichuan place so I ordered some very spicy dishes which my family loves but I do not. Even the standard, chicken with cashewnuts was a bust, IMHO. So that takes care of that meal! Not that I didn't eat, and not that I didn't have a dish of left over lomein for lunch... but it's over and done with. Did I eat like a normal person? Jury's out on that but I didn't leave the table overstuffed, like I usually do, so that must be a sign!
When I got home from my classes this morning I got back in my nightgown and spent the entire day in bed. I just have been doing so much since my first day out of sling-prison, it finally caught up with me. After dozing off and on all afternoon I am now up and dressed (at 6:30PM) and will hit the grocery store in a while. We need coffee and cream for the morning. Goodness gracious, let's not have a Sunday morning without coffee and cream!
Just feeling sort of blah, so will keep this short. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Samida
When I got home from my classes this morning I got back in my nightgown and spent the entire day in bed. I just have been doing so much since my first day out of sling-prison, it finally caught up with me. After dozing off and on all afternoon I am now up and dressed (at 6:30PM) and will hit the grocery store in a while. We need coffee and cream for the morning. Goodness gracious, let's not have a Sunday morning without coffee and cream!
Just feeling sort of blah, so will keep this short. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Samida
Friday, January 22, 2010
Boy... if I ever needed a reason to eat....
If the problem isn't food, eating won't fix it. <---- My mantra.
I have a 94 year old mother still living on her own .... need I say more? lol
Woke up again very early - had ziti for breakfast at 5AM, and am just now (11:30) having my coffee and three of those wonderful biscotti cookies. I'll have chicken and veggies for lunch.
We are having Chinese food for dinner tonight (lunch with my brother and mother does not constitute not eating it again with the family) - but the real stuff... IF I want it I will let myself. Again, I have to put my fork down and really evaluate my fullness after one plate. I can always order something steamed with brown rice like I did yesterday, but we are already looking at a big bill to accommodate the rest of the family, so maybe not.
Trust... trust... trust... <--- My other new mantra! Tonight will be a big test. I promise not to run away from this blog tomorrow! lol
But - really, this is the whole point of eating this way. How DO normal people eat? What does it actually feel like to eat normally and not as a dieter?
Let go of my past story. It's not the wake that drives the boat. It is what is left behind as you go forward. <--- Third new mantra.
What does this all mean? In the past I would worry and wring my hands over having Chinese food for dinner (specifically while dieting). I would either (A) eat myself sick saying it's one meal - how often do I do it; (B) Be good about having one portion, but because I came from a space of denial rather than a space of allowing, I would eat the leftovers later or eat all around the leftovers and consume more food than anyone has a right to; or (C) Eat something else while the family was enjoying my dinner.
Letting go of my story, and not letting the wake drive the boat means (A) allowing myself to enjoy whatever I want; (B) don't deny anything I really want... BUT stop and assess whether I really want it or am hungry for it; and (C) not attaching any guilt to whatever it is that I've enjoyed. It also means that if I want, I can make a plate of leftovers (if there are any) and enjoy it another day for another meal. WHATTA CONCEPT! Deliberate leftovers!
I think that is one of the hardest things to get used to eating my new way. The understanding that we live in America with an abundance of foods and restaurants. Anything I eat one day and enjoy will totally be available to me another day. AND, if perchance it won't be (like it's an expensive restaurant and I really won't be going there again and no other place makes "it" the same way) - then that is what take out containers are for. I can even make a second order and bring it home with me to enjoy another time.
Denial and deprivation brings on hoarding. And what is overeating or bingeing but actually hoarding? How many of us have said (often) that when our homes are clean and uncluttered it is easier for us to follow a food plan? (Here I am raising my hand.) There is a calmness in the lack of clutter - I think there is a calmness in the lack of overeating. But when you feel you need more when you really don't, the insanity takes over. I love Niecey's (Clean House) saying: Let's get rid of this mayhem and foolishness (<---- another mantra! lol). Getting rid of the mayhem and foolishness of hoarding and cluttering brings a new serenity. I'm talking food or things... Okay so tonight, as I face an abundance of Chinese food (boy when we order out we order out!) I will rid myself of my prior mayhem and foolishness and see if the new serenity keeps me limited to just one plate without any feelings of deprivation or remorse. I'll let you know tomorrow!
Samida
I have a 94 year old mother still living on her own .... need I say more? lol
Woke up again very early - had ziti for breakfast at 5AM, and am just now (11:30) having my coffee and three of those wonderful biscotti cookies. I'll have chicken and veggies for lunch.
We are having Chinese food for dinner tonight (lunch with my brother and mother does not constitute not eating it again with the family) - but the real stuff... IF I want it I will let myself. Again, I have to put my fork down and really evaluate my fullness after one plate. I can always order something steamed with brown rice like I did yesterday, but we are already looking at a big bill to accommodate the rest of the family, so maybe not.
Trust... trust... trust... <--- My other new mantra! Tonight will be a big test. I promise not to run away from this blog tomorrow! lol
But - really, this is the whole point of eating this way. How DO normal people eat? What does it actually feel like to eat normally and not as a dieter?
Let go of my past story. It's not the wake that drives the boat. It is what is left behind as you go forward. <--- Third new mantra.
What does this all mean? In the past I would worry and wring my hands over having Chinese food for dinner (specifically while dieting). I would either (A) eat myself sick saying it's one meal - how often do I do it; (B) Be good about having one portion, but because I came from a space of denial rather than a space of allowing, I would eat the leftovers later or eat all around the leftovers and consume more food than anyone has a right to; or (C) Eat something else while the family was enjoying my dinner.
Letting go of my story, and not letting the wake drive the boat means (A) allowing myself to enjoy whatever I want; (B) don't deny anything I really want... BUT stop and assess whether I really want it or am hungry for it; and (C) not attaching any guilt to whatever it is that I've enjoyed. It also means that if I want, I can make a plate of leftovers (if there are any) and enjoy it another day for another meal. WHATTA CONCEPT! Deliberate leftovers!
I think that is one of the hardest things to get used to eating my new way. The understanding that we live in America with an abundance of foods and restaurants. Anything I eat one day and enjoy will totally be available to me another day. AND, if perchance it won't be (like it's an expensive restaurant and I really won't be going there again and no other place makes "it" the same way) - then that is what take out containers are for. I can even make a second order and bring it home with me to enjoy another time.
Denial and deprivation brings on hoarding. And what is overeating or bingeing but actually hoarding? How many of us have said (often) that when our homes are clean and uncluttered it is easier for us to follow a food plan? (Here I am raising my hand.) There is a calmness in the lack of clutter - I think there is a calmness in the lack of overeating. But when you feel you need more when you really don't, the insanity takes over. I love Niecey's (Clean House) saying: Let's get rid of this mayhem and foolishness (<---- another mantra! lol). Getting rid of the mayhem and foolishness of hoarding and cluttering brings a new serenity. I'm talking food or things... Okay so tonight, as I face an abundance of Chinese food (boy when we order out we order out!) I will rid myself of my prior mayhem and foolishness and see if the new serenity keeps me limited to just one plate without any feelings of deprivation or remorse. I'll let you know tomorrow!
Samida
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Food Find! Food Find!
I have never EVER bought a food based on a sample tasting at a grocery store. That "record" has been broken. I sampled a wonderful biscotti-type cookie called Almondina and bought it on the spot. They were testing four different flavors but I loved the Cinnaroma the best. Not to run a full 60-second commercial, but they are made with whole grain flour, no cholesterol, no added salt, and have fiber as well as protein! I can't wait to find the ginger and pumpkin spice flavors. Personally I did not care for the chocolate cherry - mostly because I was dreaming of a hershey kiss and got cocoa powder! lol BUT, some of you might like that flavor - they also have a chocolate dipped which I did not try.
Today is lunch out with my brother and mom. There is a favorite Chinese restaurant that we are going to - they offer steamed veggies for an appetizer and steamed brown rice. They also have "heart-healthy" entree choices (steamed veggies with chicken or shrimp). I love their hot and sour soup, but other than that (probably laden with salt) the rest will be totally healthy and satisfying. It's a beautiful, clean, white tablecloth type of restaurant, so the whole experience is pleasant. My goal for lunch is to put my fork down between bites. It's so freeing to enjoy this meal and not have to worry about points or calories! Believe it or not, now that I am tuned into my body (or at least trying to be) I don't even want the other stuff... but I could have it if I wanted to!
Last night/this morning I had a very interesting experience. I got home from class and I was SO hungry. As I had ziti before going I had that ever-present spinach pie. Still hungry so I had a persimmon (I eat it like an apple - skin and all...you just have to make sure it's soft and ripe). I was a little "empty" when I went to bed. I awoke around 4:30AM and I was SO hungry and thirsty. I tried to go back to sleep but finally at about 5 I couldn't stand it anymore so officially got up and had a bowl of cut honeydew and a 1/2 piece of Fitness bread with a slice of FF cheese and a bottle of water. Once tummy was full I was able to fall back to sleep for a bit. Hungry again when I got up and had breakfast (that same weird banana/cheese sandwich I had yesterday).
The first new experience is actually TRULY being hungry. Not a hunger mask that is hiding boredom, frustration, anger, worry, etc. but REAL tummy hunger. The second new experience was giving myself permission to eat. And an actual meal - not just poking around the fridge. AND permission again to have breakfast as I usually do. Oh AND permission to have my wonderul Almondina cookies with a cup of tea when I got to work.
I am so tempted to get on the scale, but I don't want to be a slave to it. I know in my heart I am eating the way that promotes health and weight loss, and I don't want a number to decide for me how the rest of my day will go. I'm not saying that the scale isn't good feedback - it is. But, I'm one of these people who is ruled by it, so letting go of the daily, or even weekly, weigh-ins is another new thing for me.
Did I say yesterday that someone at work approached me and said that she can see in my face that I've lost weight? I don't know about clothes because since my surgery I have mostly
been wearing elastic waist pants and going bra-less with loose tops. I've only started wearing my real clothes! Now that I'm not in my sling I can go back to buttons and zippers and bras! So the face compliment will have to be my feedback for right now - I'll take it :).
For dinner I have turkey meatballs and marinara sauce (augmented with steamed swiss chard) in the crockpot. I might cook up some whole wheat spaghetti if I feel like it.
I am loving this "trusting myself concept." Try it!
Samida
Today is lunch out with my brother and mom. There is a favorite Chinese restaurant that we are going to - they offer steamed veggies for an appetizer and steamed brown rice. They also have "heart-healthy" entree choices (steamed veggies with chicken or shrimp). I love their hot and sour soup, but other than that (probably laden with salt) the rest will be totally healthy and satisfying. It's a beautiful, clean, white tablecloth type of restaurant, so the whole experience is pleasant. My goal for lunch is to put my fork down between bites. It's so freeing to enjoy this meal and not have to worry about points or calories! Believe it or not, now that I am tuned into my body (or at least trying to be) I don't even want the other stuff... but I could have it if I wanted to!
Last night/this morning I had a very interesting experience. I got home from class and I was SO hungry. As I had ziti before going I had that ever-present spinach pie. Still hungry so I had a persimmon (I eat it like an apple - skin and all...you just have to make sure it's soft and ripe). I was a little "empty" when I went to bed. I awoke around 4:30AM and I was SO hungry and thirsty. I tried to go back to sleep but finally at about 5 I couldn't stand it anymore so officially got up and had a bowl of cut honeydew and a 1/2 piece of Fitness bread with a slice of FF cheese and a bottle of water. Once tummy was full I was able to fall back to sleep for a bit. Hungry again when I got up and had breakfast (that same weird banana/cheese sandwich I had yesterday).
The first new experience is actually TRULY being hungry. Not a hunger mask that is hiding boredom, frustration, anger, worry, etc. but REAL tummy hunger. The second new experience was giving myself permission to eat. And an actual meal - not just poking around the fridge. AND permission again to have breakfast as I usually do. Oh AND permission to have my wonderul Almondina cookies with a cup of tea when I got to work.
I am so tempted to get on the scale, but I don't want to be a slave to it. I know in my heart I am eating the way that promotes health and weight loss, and I don't want a number to decide for me how the rest of my day will go. I'm not saying that the scale isn't good feedback - it is. But, I'm one of these people who is ruled by it, so letting go of the daily, or even weekly, weigh-ins is another new thing for me.
Did I say yesterday that someone at work approached me and said that she can see in my face that I've lost weight? I don't know about clothes because since my surgery I have mostly
been wearing elastic waist pants and going bra-less with loose tops. I've only started wearing my real clothes! Now that I'm not in my sling I can go back to buttons and zippers and bras! So the face compliment will have to be my feedback for right now - I'll take it :).
For dinner I have turkey meatballs and marinara sauce (augmented with steamed swiss chard) in the crockpot. I might cook up some whole wheat spaghetti if I feel like it.
I am loving this "trusting myself concept." Try it!
Samida
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Interesting development....
Greetings! Interesting development on my end. Last night before going to class I had only a small snack (small bowl of my lentil salad). I didn't want an entire dinner because it was still too early. I got home so hungry. Normally I would either eat my kitchen top to bottom, or, if I was wise enough to have a meal prepared, eat that and move on to the next thing. Instead, as I had nothing planned, but plenty of good food in the house, I got quiet for a moment and thought about what I would really really like.
I decided to have a piece of spinach pie. I thought that would be my downfall, but I managed to eat a small quantity, enjoying every bit of it, and then I was done. I ALSO had two bites of strudel (my husband was in a baking-with-filo-dough mood). Unbelievable. I took a bite out of the apple and decided it wasn't sweet enough to make it worth my while, then took a bite of the sour cherry and decided I didn't care for that at all. I took a look around the kitchen, closed the light and left for the evening. OMG this has never happened.
This morning I was in the mood for one of my unusual sandwiches: Whole wheat pita bread (we get the very thin large ones so I cut the loaf in half) wrapped with FF cheese, romaine lettuce, and a 1/2 of a banana. Weird I know - but oh so filling - and satisfying.
For lunch at work I packed a tri-part tupperware: in the two small portions I put butternut squash (nothing on it - not even salt - and it was delicious!) and poached salmon. In the large part I put the sweet and sour red cabbage that I made the other day (from the Ornish cookbook). I also packed some of my cabbage/beet soup and an apple. I'll be topping that off with some microwave popcorn.
For dinner I will have the ziti and a salad.
I'm beginning to think that this "eat what I feel like when I feel like it and how much I feel like" is actually going to work. Someone came into my office this morning that has not seen me since my surgery in December and did a quick double take. She said it looks like I have lost so much weight. I told her to tell me that again! lol
Signing off for today, but I may be back later!
Samida
I decided to have a piece of spinach pie. I thought that would be my downfall, but I managed to eat a small quantity, enjoying every bit of it, and then I was done. I ALSO had two bites of strudel (my husband was in a baking-with-filo-dough mood). Unbelievable. I took a bite out of the apple and decided it wasn't sweet enough to make it worth my while, then took a bite of the sour cherry and decided I didn't care for that at all. I took a look around the kitchen, closed the light and left for the evening. OMG this has never happened.
This morning I was in the mood for one of my unusual sandwiches: Whole wheat pita bread (we get the very thin large ones so I cut the loaf in half) wrapped with FF cheese, romaine lettuce, and a 1/2 of a banana. Weird I know - but oh so filling - and satisfying.
For lunch at work I packed a tri-part tupperware: in the two small portions I put butternut squash (nothing on it - not even salt - and it was delicious!) and poached salmon. In the large part I put the sweet and sour red cabbage that I made the other day (from the Ornish cookbook). I also packed some of my cabbage/beet soup and an apple. I'll be topping that off with some microwave popcorn.
For dinner I will have the ziti and a salad.
I'm beginning to think that this "eat what I feel like when I feel like it and how much I feel like" is actually going to work. Someone came into my office this morning that has not seen me since my surgery in December and did a quick double take. She said it looks like I have lost so much weight. I told her to tell me that again! lol
Signing off for today, but I may be back later!
Samida
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
New journey into recipes
Well - I tried something new today - I took one of my favorite WW recipes (chicken and ziti) but because I am not going to measure and weigh, I went against the core of my very being and just "went with it." Here is the recipe - extremely low fat, using whole grains - it's actually "simply filling or Core" if that's what you do follow:
One box of whole wheat penne. The recipe calls for 2 cups but in doing that I had about 1/3 of a cup left over in the box so I figured - what the heck - and I used it all! I boiled it for 9 minutes.
Then mixed it with:
1 cup of fat free ricotta
1 package of sliced mushrooms, sauteed
1 small handful of walnuts (leave out for SF/Core unless you measure)
In a separate pan I sauteed up a diced onion with 2 cloves of garlic
Then added 1 large can of crushed tomatoes with 1/2 tsp each oregano and basil and some ground black pepper
To this I added some left over diced chicken - I didn't measure it but you can
Simmered this all together for the time it took for the ziti to cook
Put 1/2 of the tomato mixture on the bottom of a baking pan, top with ziti mixture, then the rest of the tomato sauce.
Top with FF mozarella (if you use low fat, then count and measure if youi want)
A sprinkling of parmesian (optional) topped it all off
Bake about 1/2 hour in a 350 degree oven or until the cheese melts on top.
If you are counting and measuring, you only need to count the cheese, chicken and ziti.
If you are doing Core/SF then you don't have to count anything as long as you use FF dairy and whole wheat pasta.
Voila! A guilt-free family meal.
For breakfast this morning I had FF plain yogurt with plain mini-shredded wheat, 1/2 banana, 1 TBS chopped walnuts, and some splenda.
I think I will have the ziti for dinner and have some yummy cabbage soup that I made yesterday for lunch. (I made variations in both, but these cookbooks are the original sources.)
Anyway - I didn't intend for this to turn into a recipe site/journal, but I'm liking it (for now!). Hope this can help anyone who wants to explore "natural" eating.
Samida
One box of whole wheat penne. The recipe calls for 2 cups but in doing that I had about 1/3 of a cup left over in the box so I figured - what the heck - and I used it all! I boiled it for 9 minutes.
Then mixed it with:
1 cup of fat free ricotta
1 package of sliced mushrooms, sauteed
1 small handful of walnuts (leave out for SF/Core unless you measure)
In a separate pan I sauteed up a diced onion with 2 cloves of garlic
Then added 1 large can of crushed tomatoes with 1/2 tsp each oregano and basil and some ground black pepper
To this I added some left over diced chicken - I didn't measure it but you can
Simmered this all together for the time it took for the ziti to cook
Put 1/2 of the tomato mixture on the bottom of a baking pan, top with ziti mixture, then the rest of the tomato sauce.
Top with FF mozarella (if you use low fat, then count and measure if youi want)
A sprinkling of parmesian (optional) topped it all off
Bake about 1/2 hour in a 350 degree oven or until the cheese melts on top.
If you are counting and measuring, you only need to count the cheese, chicken and ziti.
If you are doing Core/SF then you don't have to count anything as long as you use FF dairy and whole wheat pasta.
Voila! A guilt-free family meal.
For breakfast this morning I had FF plain yogurt with plain mini-shredded wheat, 1/2 banana, 1 TBS chopped walnuts, and some splenda.
I think I will have the ziti for dinner and have some yummy cabbage soup that I made yesterday for lunch. (I made variations in both, but these cookbooks are the original sources.)
Anyway - I didn't intend for this to turn into a recipe site/journal, but I'm liking it (for now!). Hope this can help anyone who wants to explore "natural" eating.
Samida
Monday, January 18, 2010
Monday Monday
In an effort to really put effort into this blog here I am again today. I wanted to give some thoughts to what I wrote yesterday about "just" eating right. Yesterday's eating went well. It was low fat, low carb, and I had chicken at dinner - ate till I was full but not as much as usual. No bread, but some lovely purple potatoes. Those are hard to come by, and I buy them whenever I find them. I made a couple of lovely recipes from Dean Ornish's cookbook. I am thwacking myself in the head because I had that cookbook and got rid of it, and now have to take it out from the library. I may repurchase it if I find more than a dozen recipes that I want to keep. (Up to a dozen I will just write out on recipe cards.)
For today I have some challenges - most noteably my husband is making his wonderful spinach pie (the middle east version with filo dough). BUT, in my quest to NOT diet, I am going to have this. I can make a meal out of a couple of slices with salad. In my diet days I would either eat it and feel that I "blew" the entire day, and therefore pig out on eating more than I really wanted; or, I wouldn't eat it because there is no way to count and measure it. I mean my entire test today is that spinach pie!
My breakfast was a WW bagel with two slices of no-fat cheese, 1/2 a banana, and a cup of coffee.
I have such lovely produce in the house today - and I already made a sweet and sour red cabbage dish, I will make my lentil salad today (recipe on an earlier blog), cooked up butternut squash, and will make a chicken and ziti (whole wheat and non-fat ricotta) later as well. As I've said, it's a lot of food to have prepared, but I have to make it ahead so I have it for the week. This way it is easy to grab and go, and TOTALLY cuts out any need for take out meals during the week.
However, right now, at 11:19 AM I am still in my jammies (bad bad girl) so I won't get into gear until a bit later.
I am also starting a bit of extra movement. Even though I work up a sweat in my belly dance classes, and PT has me moving, these are baseline activities. I am going to pledge to use my recumbant bike today and maybe spend 5 minutes or so on the mini trampoline.
I have to find my link for the camera so I can upload some of these lucious dishes. They are beautiful to look at as well as to eat! :)
Have a great day~
Samida
For today I have some challenges - most noteably my husband is making his wonderful spinach pie (the middle east version with filo dough). BUT, in my quest to NOT diet, I am going to have this. I can make a meal out of a couple of slices with salad. In my diet days I would either eat it and feel that I "blew" the entire day, and therefore pig out on eating more than I really wanted; or, I wouldn't eat it because there is no way to count and measure it. I mean my entire test today is that spinach pie!
My breakfast was a WW bagel with two slices of no-fat cheese, 1/2 a banana, and a cup of coffee.
I have such lovely produce in the house today - and I already made a sweet and sour red cabbage dish, I will make my lentil salad today (recipe on an earlier blog), cooked up butternut squash, and will make a chicken and ziti (whole wheat and non-fat ricotta) later as well. As I've said, it's a lot of food to have prepared, but I have to make it ahead so I have it for the week. This way it is easy to grab and go, and TOTALLY cuts out any need for take out meals during the week.
However, right now, at 11:19 AM I am still in my jammies (bad bad girl) so I won't get into gear until a bit later.
I am also starting a bit of extra movement. Even though I work up a sweat in my belly dance classes, and PT has me moving, these are baseline activities. I am going to pledge to use my recumbant bike today and maybe spend 5 minutes or so on the mini trampoline.
I have to find my link for the camera so I can upload some of these lucious dishes. They are beautiful to look at as well as to eat! :)
Have a great day~
Samida
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Let go of your story
What would our (diet) lives be like if we let go of our personal stories? I talked about this a bit in an earlier blog about the fact that the wake is what is left behind - it is not what steers the ship. I can't speak for anyone else, but I have been stuck in diet limbo because of my personal story. I have played with the same 40 pounds for YEARS. My story is this:
I lose weight (mostly on WW excursions, but sometimes other routes).
I may lose up to 10 pounds.
I get cocky.
I guess I can do it "myself."
I gain back the 10 pounds.
I read all sorts of diet books and cook books.
I go back on some sort of diet (probably WW again).
I may lose up to 5 pounds.
I get cocky.
I guess I can do it "myself."
I gain back the 5 pounds.
I read all sorts of diet books and cook books.
ETCETERA
This is my story and I'm stickin' to it. Until now.
OMG - what if I don't have the history of puny losses with immediate gains? What if I don't have a history of needing other people to tell me how to eat, what to eat, how much to eat, when to eat. WAIT - that IS part of my story and I always gain the weight back. How about if I let go of the portion of the story that follows "I guess I can do it myself?" What if I write a new story?
What if this looks like my new story:
I am 57 years old and have been dieting since the age of about 8 years old.
However, unlike the past 45 years I don't follow diet plans, then fall off diet plans, then gain the weight back.
Instead, my NEW story is that I absolutely trust myself to know what to eat, in what portions to eat, and when to eat.
My NEW story has me making good choices and losing weight and keeping it off. OMG what a concept. What a new ending.
I never allowed myself this ending because I was so locked into the old story.
It's scary but at the same time exciting and exhilarating. I look back at my first post where I talk about eating "core-like." Even that doesn't have to be part of my story anymore. It gives too much of a feel of rules and dieting. I know what to eat to make my body feel its maximum best. That includes whole grains (including whole grain bread!), plenty of veggies and fruits, and lean proteins. It does not include packaged junk and eating till I'm stuffed. I know that. I don't need a diet from my old story to tell me that.
I have to suspend my beliefs that I must weigh and measure and journal in order to lose weight. I must suspend my beliefs that the only way to lose weight is to follow what others tell me to follow. I must suspend my beliefs that the only way to keep off weight that I have lost is to remain vigilant about every single bite that goes into my mouth.
My last post talked about faith. Letting go of my past story and stories requires a lot of faith. It also requires a knowing that if I tune into my body I will lose weight, get to a weight that is natural for me, and keep a weight that is natural for me. This does not mean that I am going to take a passive role in all this, saying that I can eat ANYTHING, eat ANY amount, etc. I am taking an active role in choosing healthy foods and eating when I am hungry and stopping when I am full. It also means indulgences - but in modest quantities - but not because a diet told me to limit them, but because I know now that my body does not react well to extreme indulgences. If anything, this way of life is harder than dieting. You have to rely on yourself to stop eating - not because you are done with your portion, or out of points or calories. So - don't get me wrong, I am not in ANY way saying this is easy or going to be easy. But who grows on easy stuff?
A journey of faith, suspended beliefs, and a knowing... a knowing that after 45 years of dieting I know which foods contain what nutritients, what quantities make my body feel good, and what quantities make it feel awful. I know what foods bring a smile to my face, and what foods I couldn't care less about. I know how to shop and cook. And, thank God, I live in an area where there are stores of such abundance of fresh produce, whole grains, and high quality protein. Thank God I have the resources to shop like that, and the wisdom to shop like that.
I'm planning on going out in a few minutes to top off my groceries with some free range, anti-biotic free chicken for dinner tonight - I did a huge produce shopping yesterday. It's going to be a snowy day tomorrow so I'm planning a lot of cooking to get me through the week. My classes have begun again and I am back to work full time. I do love the saying "If you fail to plan you plan to fail." As much as I am experiencing a new freedom here, I'm not eating on the fly - that would just be foolishness. (Or as Niecey says on Clean House: Mayhem and Foolishness...) If I am stocked with the healthy foods my family and I love I should be okay! I am going to keep the faith!
Samida
I lose weight (mostly on WW excursions, but sometimes other routes).
I may lose up to 10 pounds.
I get cocky.
I guess I can do it "myself."
I gain back the 10 pounds.
I read all sorts of diet books and cook books.
I go back on some sort of diet (probably WW again).
I may lose up to 5 pounds.
I get cocky.
I guess I can do it "myself."
I gain back the 5 pounds.
I read all sorts of diet books and cook books.
ETCETERA
This is my story and I'm stickin' to it. Until now.
OMG - what if I don't have the history of puny losses with immediate gains? What if I don't have a history of needing other people to tell me how to eat, what to eat, how much to eat, when to eat. WAIT - that IS part of my story and I always gain the weight back. How about if I let go of the portion of the story that follows "I guess I can do it myself?" What if I write a new story?
What if this looks like my new story:
I am 57 years old and have been dieting since the age of about 8 years old.
However, unlike the past 45 years I don't follow diet plans, then fall off diet plans, then gain the weight back.
Instead, my NEW story is that I absolutely trust myself to know what to eat, in what portions to eat, and when to eat.
My NEW story has me making good choices and losing weight and keeping it off. OMG what a concept. What a new ending.
I never allowed myself this ending because I was so locked into the old story.
It's scary but at the same time exciting and exhilarating. I look back at my first post where I talk about eating "core-like." Even that doesn't have to be part of my story anymore. It gives too much of a feel of rules and dieting. I know what to eat to make my body feel its maximum best. That includes whole grains (including whole grain bread!), plenty of veggies and fruits, and lean proteins. It does not include packaged junk and eating till I'm stuffed. I know that. I don't need a diet from my old story to tell me that.
I have to suspend my beliefs that I must weigh and measure and journal in order to lose weight. I must suspend my beliefs that the only way to lose weight is to follow what others tell me to follow. I must suspend my beliefs that the only way to keep off weight that I have lost is to remain vigilant about every single bite that goes into my mouth.
My last post talked about faith. Letting go of my past story and stories requires a lot of faith. It also requires a knowing that if I tune into my body I will lose weight, get to a weight that is natural for me, and keep a weight that is natural for me. This does not mean that I am going to take a passive role in all this, saying that I can eat ANYTHING, eat ANY amount, etc. I am taking an active role in choosing healthy foods and eating when I am hungry and stopping when I am full. It also means indulgences - but in modest quantities - but not because a diet told me to limit them, but because I know now that my body does not react well to extreme indulgences. If anything, this way of life is harder than dieting. You have to rely on yourself to stop eating - not because you are done with your portion, or out of points or calories. So - don't get me wrong, I am not in ANY way saying this is easy or going to be easy. But who grows on easy stuff?
A journey of faith, suspended beliefs, and a knowing... a knowing that after 45 years of dieting I know which foods contain what nutritients, what quantities make my body feel good, and what quantities make it feel awful. I know what foods bring a smile to my face, and what foods I couldn't care less about. I know how to shop and cook. And, thank God, I live in an area where there are stores of such abundance of fresh produce, whole grains, and high quality protein. Thank God I have the resources to shop like that, and the wisdom to shop like that.
I'm planning on going out in a few minutes to top off my groceries with some free range, anti-biotic free chicken for dinner tonight - I did a huge produce shopping yesterday. It's going to be a snowy day tomorrow so I'm planning a lot of cooking to get me through the week. My classes have begun again and I am back to work full time. I do love the saying "If you fail to plan you plan to fail." As much as I am experiencing a new freedom here, I'm not eating on the fly - that would just be foolishness. (Or as Niecey says on Clean House: Mayhem and Foolishness...) If I am stocked with the healthy foods my family and I love I should be okay! I am going to keep the faith!
Samida
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Let's keep it short
One of the reasons I tended not to blog as often as I would like is that I made each entry a soul searching look into my clockworks. I don't want to get away from that as it helps me, and it seems to be what sings to the people who are reading it, but I also want to lighten up just a bit, too. So I picked today to blog, as my time is limited, and I can't keep this window open for too long.
Well, first of all, maybe it's not going to be that short afterall. Now that I think of it. I wanted to talk today about having faith and hope. Michaelangelo once wrote that the problem we humans face is not that we have hopes that are too high and we don't reach them, but that we have have hopes that are too low and we do. I'm going through a few things right now that would normally tend to trigger some very serious emotional eating. Normally I would have the low hopes and reach them (well as long as I don't eat ALL that I'm okay). Now I've set my hopes and standards higher. Last night I was going through some particularly dark thoughts but I wasn't turning to food. A lot of things came up that startled me - had I turned to food as I usually do I would have diverted those thoughts by eating then further diverted them by beating myself up because I ate too much. It was quite an experience to just sit quietly with the emotions and thoughts and see where they would go. A very new - and scary - experience. I went into the evening setting my hopes high that I wouldn't run to the kitchen past having dinner. I am happy to report that I met those hopes. Had I set them lower - I would have met those too.
And what is faith? Faith is the song the songbird sings before the dawn. I don't know where that comes from, but it is so perfect (I am sure I heard it in a Wayne Dyer lecture, I just can't put my finger on it). This has nothing to do with religion or anything like that. It's just having simple faith that the sun will come up, that one foot in front of the other will take you forward, or that the force that beats your heart beats mine. That step of faith also helps get through emotional eating. One of my favorite sayings is: If the problem isn't hunger, food won't fix it. I had to have faith last night that facing what was bothering me was the better road to take than drowning my sorrows in food. I also had to have faith that things will work out and no amount of eating will change the results, except, of course, make me fatter when I face it next time.
So I think that unearthing the concepts of hope and faith are wonderful tools to conquer emotionally charged eating. I am happy to report that around 3AM I realized that I was truly hungry, but somehow got myself to sleep without eating. I was ravenous at breakfast - and feeling much better too. Problems still there and I didn't have to add beating myself up to the list.
Keep the faith!
Samida
Well, first of all, maybe it's not going to be that short afterall. Now that I think of it. I wanted to talk today about having faith and hope. Michaelangelo once wrote that the problem we humans face is not that we have hopes that are too high and we don't reach them, but that we have have hopes that are too low and we do. I'm going through a few things right now that would normally tend to trigger some very serious emotional eating. Normally I would have the low hopes and reach them (well as long as I don't eat ALL that I'm okay). Now I've set my hopes and standards higher. Last night I was going through some particularly dark thoughts but I wasn't turning to food. A lot of things came up that startled me - had I turned to food as I usually do I would have diverted those thoughts by eating then further diverted them by beating myself up because I ate too much. It was quite an experience to just sit quietly with the emotions and thoughts and see where they would go. A very new - and scary - experience. I went into the evening setting my hopes high that I wouldn't run to the kitchen past having dinner. I am happy to report that I met those hopes. Had I set them lower - I would have met those too.
And what is faith? Faith is the song the songbird sings before the dawn. I don't know where that comes from, but it is so perfect (I am sure I heard it in a Wayne Dyer lecture, I just can't put my finger on it). This has nothing to do with religion or anything like that. It's just having simple faith that the sun will come up, that one foot in front of the other will take you forward, or that the force that beats your heart beats mine. That step of faith also helps get through emotional eating. One of my favorite sayings is: If the problem isn't hunger, food won't fix it. I had to have faith last night that facing what was bothering me was the better road to take than drowning my sorrows in food. I also had to have faith that things will work out and no amount of eating will change the results, except, of course, make me fatter when I face it next time.
So I think that unearthing the concepts of hope and faith are wonderful tools to conquer emotionally charged eating. I am happy to report that around 3AM I realized that I was truly hungry, but somehow got myself to sleep without eating. I was ravenous at breakfast - and feeling much better too. Problems still there and I didn't have to add beating myself up to the list.
Keep the faith!
Samida
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Oh my gosh - what a difference a day makes
.... or a month or two! I just came back to my blog and saw that I did not post since October. A lot has happened - including rotator cuff surgery. Right now my recovery is passive aggressive (lol): when I go to physical therapy I just lay there while my arm is stretched beyond belief, working on range of motion. I haven't graduated to actually doing anything myself, like working with weights and pulleys. But, hopefully that will start this week. (Boy, and I thought my knees were my problem!) I'm looking forward to driving this week but alas, that signals the end of my glorious month and half at home. I don't know... call me lazy but I did NOT tire of watching Law & Order reruns 24/7. I really wasn't allowed to do much other movement... my therapist put the nix on the rebounder and the bike or treadmill. At one point she did okay short slow walks but that's when the snow hit, and then she put the kibash on that too. Oh well... what's a fat girl to do?
The first 3-4 weeks my husband, bless his heart, did all the cooking - and, to his credit, made everything healthy. However, he was so happy to take care of me that he made 2-3 meals per meal. Example: One Friday night: Shish kebab, kafta, seafood scampi, lentil stew, hommos & babaghanoush, green salad and grilled potatoes and onions. ALL on the table. ALL at once. Let's just say that the 10 or so pounds I've gained was not from quality it was from quantity. Last week I felt well enough to make my own grocery list and plan a couple of recipes. And the other day I had my son drop me off and I actually did the grocery shopping myself. My husband and son shopped whatever I asked them to and cooked whatever I asked them to, but I missed the personal involvment in my own food preparation. Call me crazy again... but I LOVE grocery shopping! Once in a while I get sick of planning and preparation, but for the most part, what can I say... I love the kitchen - in all its aspects!
I'm hoping (but sad) to go to work a couple of days this coming week - that will at least get me out of the house and away from the kitchen for more than the one hour per day I go to physical therapy. I have also started my belly dance classes (hey - nothing wrong with my hips!) and that has introduced some activity back into my days. Once I am driving, back to work on a regular schedule, and have a set PT schedule I can look into adding other things to my day. I'm thinking of rejoining the FitRec center where I work to at least use the treadmill or bike and the hot tub, and work on some of the aquatherapy on my own. Not being 5 giant steps from the kitchen all day will help too.
Boy - how hopeful and happy I was in October. How far the mighty (happy) have fallen...
I look forward to restarting this blog as well.
Thanks for sticking by!
The first 3-4 weeks my husband, bless his heart, did all the cooking - and, to his credit, made everything healthy. However, he was so happy to take care of me that he made 2-3 meals per meal. Example: One Friday night: Shish kebab, kafta, seafood scampi, lentil stew, hommos & babaghanoush, green salad and grilled potatoes and onions. ALL on the table. ALL at once. Let's just say that the 10 or so pounds I've gained was not from quality it was from quantity. Last week I felt well enough to make my own grocery list and plan a couple of recipes. And the other day I had my son drop me off and I actually did the grocery shopping myself. My husband and son shopped whatever I asked them to and cooked whatever I asked them to, but I missed the personal involvment in my own food preparation. Call me crazy again... but I LOVE grocery shopping! Once in a while I get sick of planning and preparation, but for the most part, what can I say... I love the kitchen - in all its aspects!
I'm hoping (but sad) to go to work a couple of days this coming week - that will at least get me out of the house and away from the kitchen for more than the one hour per day I go to physical therapy. I have also started my belly dance classes (hey - nothing wrong with my hips!) and that has introduced some activity back into my days. Once I am driving, back to work on a regular schedule, and have a set PT schedule I can look into adding other things to my day. I'm thinking of rejoining the FitRec center where I work to at least use the treadmill or bike and the hot tub, and work on some of the aquatherapy on my own. Not being 5 giant steps from the kitchen all day will help too.
Boy - how hopeful and happy I was in October. How far the mighty (happy) have fallen...
I look forward to restarting this blog as well.
Thanks for sticking by!
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